Goodbyes are Hard.

Today is a hard day. Today is a also a good day because the Lord made it and I know its not just an end but the beginning of the journey we've been praying and anticipating together. But mostly TODAY just feels stinking hard. And it feels like sacrifice.

Today my best friend moved to Romania.

I'm not Michelle's oldest friend. I'm definitely not Michelle's only friend. I'm not even her only best friend. She is well loved. But I am a friend who loved her with all that I have until I had to let her go.  I have loved her babies as my own. And now I am a friend that will love her from afar.

There are two things I remember about the beginning of our friendship. Cristi and Michelle came back to our church and were old friends to many, but we were "new" since they had been there. They joined our small group and she said, "Cristi and I think you are a couple we'd really like to get to know." She had me at hello with those sweet words! Not long after that we went to get David. Michelle jumped in to help with our welcome home party. And at that party David & Myles became best buddies from Day 1. Its like the only two kids with international ties just found each other and that was it. David didn't speak a bit of English, but Myles didn't care.

And if I'm really honest there were times when I tried so hard to not let this sweet friendship blossom. We knew from the very beginning that eventually we would have to let them go. And a part of my heart said, "NO! Don't do it. It will only be hard when they leave." And it is hard. I was right. But I couldn't do it. I couldn't hold back.

And so we made memories. And made them family. We shared meals. We learned to run. We had inside jokes. We did life together. We did 50,000 goodbye parties. We packed suitcases. We got those babies dressed together one last time. And today we actually let them go.

I stink at goodbyes. They are not my thing. I'm the one who would just assume sneak out, say see you later, keep it light and normal. But, I've been asking God to teach me how to say goodbye well. For my sake. For my son's sake. For the kingdom's sake.

I know in my brain we will adjust. I have lots of friends across the ocean who I love dearly. That is not new to me. Its not new to love missionary friends well or send packages or get on a plane. I just preferred Michelle stayed in the "doing life together" category. Tomorrow I will remember God is teaching me much and I know none of its wasted. He is weaving it all into his plans for our lives. But today my heart is just really stinking sad.

Michelle, Our lives have been weaved so closely together as we run, pray, go to bible study, watch our kids play, worship, and a million other things together. And trying to untangle them is really really difficult. This last week has been so hard as we packed up your life. But today as I face my messy house, and all that stuff once yours now mine, and regular old life that is what is the hardest. Because I really prefer you here. But I'm choosing praise. I'm choosing to send you out well because I love you so much and I have no doubt that we are exactly where God wants us both to be. There are no "hamburger helper" moments left only true heartfelt tears and prayers for this new leg of the journey.

Silent Night

I'm sure most of you have seen one of these.

They are running around craft shows, and Pinterest boards, and Etsy shops. I thought it might be fun to make my own version into a blog post and call it our Christmas letter for 2015.

In This Family...

We do crazy.
This past year we discovered our family's photography sweet spot- the silly "outtake" shot. I have discovered my kids will cooperate through a photo session for this one simple promise, "We can do a crazy one at the end if you smile one billion times first." And anyone who is brave enough to call our cell phones (there is a reason I prefer written communication) knows that crazy is the space we call home. If you don't believe me you probably don't actually know us. For example, this year one of our children earned the nickname "the wet bandit" when he flooded our home while we were gone on a date night. (Unfortunately this is a true story that was very unfunny at the time. But we've come to survive on the sentiment, "If its going to be funny later it might as well be funny now.")

We do mess ups and I'm sorry's.
I mean lets be honest, doesn't every family? No perfect here. We do our share of "practicing self control" (formerly known as a "time out") for both our kids and ourselves. And while we feel somedays like we pound first time obedience into the ground, we are pretty sure God could say the same thing about us parents too. Obedience was our "word" for 2015 and its a tough one for both the big and small people who call this family their own.

We do helpful.
We could list the things we don't do well, but that wouldn't make a very good Christmas letter now would it? One thing we are pretty sure our kids could tell you is that in this family we help. We have a fancy family motto, "Humiston's are helpers." (Don't you wish your last name started with an H too?) Don't worry the motto is much more popular when it involves helping other people and isn't being applied to helping your sibling clean your room.

We do loud. Really well.
I'm pretty sure if you know us, or have spent any amount of time with us, or especially if you sit near our pew at church you know this to be true. We are not a quiet crew. We like to talk. And wiggle. And make noise. I'm on a journey to embrace it. I still break out the "Mama needs a little quiet," every now and then but for the most part we are who we are and I'm pretty sure we have extroverted down.

We do dinner around the table.
We like to eat. And we love to share food. There is always room around our table. At least figuratively anyway. Wether its a houseful of our friends (who have like a billion kids when we get together these days) or our hungry college students there is always plenty of good food to eat.

We do messy like nobody's business.
We have four kids. I feel like that is all I really need to say. Your house is messy too. Someday we will miss this...right? (I'm going to be honest I'm not really convinced on this sentiment, but it is a popular one.)

We do laughter.
We have a few giggle boxes who live here. I almost broke my leg on a "trap" Titus set for me one night when I was gone. My kids think they could write a joke book. They can make anything into a knock knock joke. And the laughter is what I hope never stops, but when it fades to a dull roar I will most definitely miss that someday. (When I'm not missing the mess, insert tiny eye roll here)

We do camping, road tripping, and good old memory making.
We love to camp. My kids ask when family camp is before school is even out for summer. (Its Labor Day Weekend...when summer is over.) This year we took a true road trip. It was a blast. We fulfilled a 10+ year goal to go to the Georgia Aquarium in Atlanta. The pictures don't do the fun memories made justice. And we might have temporarily lost David. Now there is a good story of the memory making variety.

We do traditions.
We recently had to make a list of things we love about our family. One of the things the kids said was, "traditions." My husband now knows he has failed and I have successfully brainwashed our children into my idea of what makes this Humiston nation great. We have traditions for all sorts of things. We have dance parties during the movie credit music. We have our own holiday. We have special Christmas ornaments and Gotcha day celebrations and things we "always" do. I love it. And I'm pretty sure my husband secretly does to. (Well most of it anyway.)

We do sharing.
I'm pretty sure our family has reached the size where it is no longer an optional experience to share. Thank you little yellow house, what hasn't killed us yet is making us stronger. I really do think if God ever moves us to a larger living space we will miss the days we were all crammed in together.

We do hard transitions and unexpected blessings.
This year brought a few transitions for us to navigate. One of them has been Jeremy changing jobs and working the night shift. Its been hard at times, but mostly its been blessed. We love our batman leader who saves the world at night and sleeps during the day. He sounds most impressive when seen through the eyes of one of our children who was asked, "What does your dad do?" To which said child replied, "He sleeps." For me the most unexpected blessing of the year has been running. It has been like a good gift I didn't know I needed. Running & training with a group of other moms has been one of my favorite parts of this past year. (And that is a sentence I NEVER thought I would type!)

We do love.
Because even though we sound fancy in a Christmas letter, most of the time we resemble a hot mess more than having it all together. And so we are banking on 1 Peter 4:8 to be true. "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins."

But we don't do simple.
Our other family motto is, "We don't do simple." It started as a funny way to express our sometimes complicated life with four children and two five year olds! We've had fun on Facebook over the past year using this phrase to describe our days. For example, "We don't do simple, we do stitches." But it holds a lot of truth too. Belonging to Jesus has made our life complicated in the very best way. We don't have permission to just sit around caring about only us. Immanuel. He came to the mess, and put on flesh. And so we too are called into the mess of life. The complicated. Our prayer this year as a family has been that we would "love well and share Jesus."

We don't do simple, but we do share our Savior.

Wishing you a very merry Christmas from our entire crazy crew to yours!

Photo Credit: Creative Touch Photography

Why We Go Back

I'm home from West Africa.

I've actually been home 16 days. Its good to be here. My kids were sick with fevers, my husband transitioned to working the night shift, there was pink eye...again. It was time for this side of the ocean to have me back.  And my mama heart was so ready to love on my sick kids and give my absolutely amazing (and exhausted) husband a break.

I've kicked the jet lag and now I'm waiting for my heart to catch up.  Because as much as I loved coming home, its hard too. And it has caught me off guard that its hard.

Can you really have reentry stress when you are only gone 10 days to a place you've been before? 

Apparently if you are me you can. Don't get me wrong in some ways its definitely "easier." The sights, sounds, and smells of the Big Mango have become familiar to me. I've been enough times to expect something to go wrong, to anticipate the heat, and to find the lack of electricity normal.

So what makes going back so hard?

Its the return to the convenient life when I still remember a whole lot of people have never lived it and that our missionaries are struggling to live without it when most of them have grown up with it.

(Did you know there is a refrigerated food section...in the PET FOOD?! This almost did me in at Walmart yesterday.)

Its the lack of ability to articulate a story when people ask, "How was your trip?" Because its not as sensational as the first time even though it rocked your world, but in a very different way. The kind of way that sometimes takes a bit to process.

Its the heartbreak of leaving people and a place you are falling deeper in love with each time you visit and not knowing a date on the calendar when it will be your turn to go back.

Its your body operating in the day to day, while you heart is still thinking about the kids in the orphanage and their need for forever families. So in between refereeing sibling squabbles and trying to find the missing book bag you are trying to figure out just exactly how God wants you to be a part of it all.

So if its hard why do we go back? What makes it absolutely totally worth it?

We are learning how to be our very best at blessing those on the field.

Each trip I learn what these sweet people miss. For some its chocolate. For others its berries. And coffee, good coffee is in high demand. The first year I had to guess and ask and I'm still learning but I'm getting better at just being able to bless.

We are watching these kiddos grow up.

(B & I in 2012)

(B & I in 2015)

I've never been, or raised a missionary kid. But I've tried to read up and I have LOTS of friends who fall in this category. MK's spend a lot of their life saying goodbye, often to people they don't know if/when they will see them again. I love being able to say, "We'll be back."

We remember in our house daily there are those still waiting for a family or living out a life where they will remain in the orphanage long term.

Visiting helps us to know whats going on at the orphanage. What kids need families so we can advocate. What their physical needs are as they care for the least of these on our behalf. 

So we can send needed items.

 And we can raise money for rice. (Stay tuned on that one..hint hint)

It allows us to invest in the word of God going forth in West Africa indirectly but in a much needed way.

We aren't the ones doing the Jesus sharing with nationals. Almost all of our time is spent with expatriates. Primarily through a VBS for missionary kids. And we are good with that. Because I'm not as well equipped to do the ministering. I don't have cultural context. Or street cred. Or language skills. But my missionary friends do. Getting on the field there takes a LONG time. Its a multistep process. Staying can be complicated. So if we can encourage and bless them and in any way help them to keep going that is a worthy investment. 

There is a lot of debate in the missions community about short term missions. Some love it. (Mostly those who go short term.) Some hate it. (Mostly those who stay long term and see the damage that can be done.) 

**Random Side Note: If you would like a super comedic look at what I'm referring to check out THIS video.

Around here we have found our place in an unknown land called long term short term missions. 

(My husband likes to say our family motto is, "We don't do simple.") 

Investing long term in West Africa through regular short term trips. 

And even though my heart is still trying to sort it all out. And sometimes its hard to go back and forth between our two worlds. 

For us its totally worth it.