Happy New Year

Our New Year's card in digital format. For all those we love who are around the world.

 We love you all. Happy 2015 from the Humiston's!

God is in Charge

Some of the most convicting words I heard this week came out of my daughter's mouth as she shared her testimony.

He is in control, not me or anyone else. (Anyone else need to hear that this Christmas season?!)

It was a very, very special day to get to watch firsthand as Jeremy baptized Grace.

I wanted to record some of my thoughts from the day she made her decision.

December 2, 2014
Today I received a call from a teacher at school outlining some trouble Grace was having at school getting along with other students...again. It has plagued this school year. My opinionated firstborn is struggling socially to make and keep friends in her everything is black and white world. She doesn't know grey, or compromise very well.

This particular case was just down right parenting embarrassment. I started at my whit's end but thankfully God in his grace didn't leave me there.

I discussed the situation and Grace had little repentance on her part. She really felt she had the right to express her distaste towards other student's actions and attitudes. AGH! I shared with her that I wasn't exactly sure what to do with her. We model love & forgiveness in our home, we have taught her to be kind and that there are consequences when we are unkind, we give her boundaries and consequences. I reminded her that her problem was SIN, and asked her if she knew what the solution was.

She was quick to tell me that only salvation brings a solution to a sin problem. She reminded me that for over a year she had been asking questions and insisting she wanted to become a Christian and that we consider her being baptized.  Can I just be honest? Leading our daughter to Christ has been one of the hardest things we've ever done! We just wanted to make sure she was ready and felt like she was making her own decision. We have wrestled and wrestled and sought wisdom and wrestled some more. (Its so true you learn on the first one!)

So we revisited some biblical truths we had talked about the last time we were caught in a struggle. I had clearly shared the gospel with her and asked where she was at in the fall. For the first time since she has started insisting she responded with uncertainty and so I had let it be. Today the Lord gave me the wisdom to ask exactly what was holding her back. She shared with me she was afraid of getting up in front of the entire church. And then the Holy Spirit took over.

I shared with her a verse from Ephesians that God brought to mind about how we are to bear with one another in love.

"As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received.  Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace."

We had been talking over and over and over again about being a peacemaker at school.

But that wasn't what caught her in the verse. We talked bout what it meant to be a prisoner of the Lord. Then we talked about who/what we are a prisoner to before we belong to the Lord. She identified that she was a slave to sin, and she wanted freedom. And she knew who could bring that freedom. She identified she was ready for God to be boss! (a big deal for her) As I prayed with her I had a total peace that this was the moment of clarity we'd both been searching for.

As soon as she spoke those precious words of accepting Jesus and said amen she ran to get a paper and pencil. She forced me to sit down and right down everything she wanted to say so she could copy it with the correct spelling (who is this child who cares about spelling?!) She still had consequences to face for her misbehavior but she was a different child. She was so full of joy. She picked out a fancy dress to wear to school the next day to share her big news!

God also started working on her fearful heart. Soon she came to me with a realization. There were so many people at church who have taught her and were excited for her baptism. She bravely made the choice all on her own to do it during church. She wasn't fearful at all! She bravely declared every word.

I posted the video above but here is her testimony word for word in written format:

Today I became a Christian. 

I decided to become a Christian because when I was at school I felt yucky, and had problems. I felt under arrest by my sin. I talked to my mom and read a Bible verse, Ephesians 4:1-3. It was about being a peacemaker. I had sin in my life. I prayed with my mom and admitted my sin. I asked for the gift of the Holy Spirit. Now Jesus is my Savior and my Lord. He is in control, not me or anyone else. When we were done I didn't feel yucky. I felt good inside. I felt the Holy Spirit. I want to be baptized and live a life where God is in charge. I made this choice, and Jesus saved me.

My Grown Up Christmas List

Have you ever heard the song, "Grown Up Christmas List?"

For me it has to be sung by Amy Grant.

Not popping into your head? YouTube can help.

The tape this song was on was a standard at our house growing up. We loved us some Amy Grant.

(Most of you who read this are probably nodding your head but I know I'm dating myself here...)

Essentially the song is about a grown up wish list for Santa...

No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start,
And time would heal all hearts
And everyone would have a friend
And right would always win
And love would never end
This is my grown-up Christmas list

It's not got a ton of great theology in there. Until Jesus returns lives will be torn apart. War will start. Time will never heal our hearts. There will always be people without friends.

Right will win in the end, but on this earth it will never always win.

But the good news is love WILL never end for those who know Jesus Christ.

And so I'm not making a christmas list for Santa.

But, I have been thinking about what I'm asking the Lord for this coming year.

My Christmas Prayer List:

- For Dorcus to have a family. 

Dorcus is a little girl who remains in the orphanage who rescued our David. It is my heart's desire that a family would obediently answer the call to adopt this precious one. I'm praying they will be brave and say yes and begin this crazy journey called adoption. I can't wait to meet them and help them in any way I can.

-For God to equip our family to love and share the good news with the families of Afterschool Adventures.

This is our mission field and we desperately need God to reach it. I am asking for God to continually break my heart for the harvest in this community. That we would sacrifice, love, be hands & feet, and know how to do it to God's glory and these children's benefit. We CAN NOT do it alone.

-For my kids to be world changers for the kingdom.

Parenting is hard. I feel like I'm failing at it a lot. And I have definitely figured out my kids are only going to be the people I desire them to be by the grace of God. But I'm going big on this one. I'm not just asking God to save my kids. This year I am going to ask him to show their little hearts the big plans he has for them to grow his kingdom. I want to raise world changers and prayer is my parenting strategy. (I might have stole that from PBT and tweaked it- but its good stuff.)

So there you have it. This is what I'm praying about as I look to 2015.

There are so many more things, but these are the three I'm putting my prayer team on.

(aka making sure my kids are on board because they are so persistent in prayer sometimes it secretly makes me jealous)

Black Friday

Have you ever wondered why they call it BLACK Friday?

Me too. So I did a bit of research. (aka I typed it in a search engine)

Here is what I discovered.

The day's name originated in Philadelphia, PA, where it originally was used to describe the heavy and disruptive pedestrian and vehicle traffic that would occur on the day after Thanksgiving. Use of the term started before 1961 and began to see broader use outside Philadelphia around 1975. Later an alternative explanation was made: that retailers traditionally operated at a financial loss ("in the red") from January through November, and "Black Friday" indicates the point at which retailers begin to turn a profit, or "in the black".

I copied that from Wikipedia just for you. I'm generous like that.

I think I have only gone Black Friday shopping once. And to be honest it was like the second round black Friday shopping. I've never stood in line or any of the other craziness. Although I'm not being critical either way... I don't like to start riots around here. I just desperately needed a post idea.

But, I started thinking about all that a color can communicate. 

And it got me to thinking you might be interested to know that all my kiddos are a color. I guess some people might think that sounds weird, but its totally normal in our little family. If you know us well you probably even know which each of their colors are. It started as a survival technique when I had two girls only 19 months apart. And it has definitely come in handy now that I have two boys that are only 10 months apart. But, it has turned into much more fun than that. I always tell my kids that I love them their color. I love them all the same but that love takes on different shades according to their own personal bent.

Gracie I love you the purplest. Its perfect that I gave you purple because it was my color and I'm just not a "pink" girl. And since you are my mini me that worked out like I planned it that way. Purple is the color of royalty and you know how to pull off a regal command like any queen. And you truly are the queen bee of our family. You were definitely born with a bent to rule, and I can't wait to see what you do for God's kingdom.

Faith, I love you the pinkest. Even thought I'm more purple I absolutely love being the mama to a pink girlie girl. You are our princess in every way and I'm so glad we saved pink for you. You are the pink to Grace's purple and you two make a perfect sister pair. Pink is the color of a ballerina and you can dance into almost anyone's heart. It's also the perfect sprinkle color and you are our sweet little cupcake baker and spa maker. I can't wait to see all that God will call you to love with your pink heart.

Titus, I love you the greenest. I guess I'm non-traditional since I went with purple and green before pink and blue. But, you kind of just choose green all on your own. I also love it because you truly are our green giant, and a gentle giant at that. You became the bull in our china cabinet and we just loved that because we've always liked cows around here and they eat green grass so it all works out nicely. Speaking of green grass I'm pretty sure your daddy expects you to be involved with a brown ball and some green grass someday. I can't wait to see all God does in you as you grow in him. It's going to be giant.

David, I love you the bluest. You aren't sure about being blue, sometimes you would really like your color to be red. And that really fits you too because you just weren't sure in the beginning about us telling you anything. But, you have grown into a blue brother that loves your best green buddy fiercely. When you two get together its not always blue skies its more like a thunderstorm. But, rain makes for green grass! You are also blue like jazz. Your love and God given talent for music is so fun for us to enjoy. You can also make us laugh till we are blue in the face. I know God is going to use you to make sure others aren't blue, and that they know God's love for them.

Purple. 

Pink. 

Green. 

Blue. 

Oh, how I love you each more than you know!

Don't Dig Up

"Don't dig up in doubt what you planted in faith." -Elizabeth Elliot

As I reflect over this past year this quote resonates with my soul. This year has not so much been about planting for us as its been about throwing away the shovel and trusting God in the things he has already planted in our life.

For almost two years we planted in faith for our fourth child. Even when the outlook was very dim we believed that God could bring our son home. And he did. In January he was planted in our family. Praise the Lord! And the first year home is amazing. Amazingly hard and amazingly good. We had to choose not to doubt. To not doubt that God could not only bring our boy home but he could help him learn what it means to be a part of a family. And he has. We have got to watch redemption up close. Its messy, and hard, and very very good.

I watch the soil and a little seedling is raising its leaves to the sun.

I am thankful for my family of 6.

Last year the Lord planted the Afterschool Program in our hearts. Really it wasn't a program. It was a whisper to go over to the apartment complex across the street from our church and to quote Jen Hatmaker to, "Turn the love out." What began as a non-attended Sunday School class turned into a bustling after school program. We had NO IDEA what the Lord had planned. Definitely more than we asked for or imagined. I'll be honest many days I have got out my shovel and cried out to the Lord in doubt, "Its too much!" On paper bringing home an adoptive child and starting an outreach ministry in the same time frame doesn't sound like a good idea. There is that shovel again. It might not have been a good idea but it was most definitely God's idea.

I fling dirt and repent and tromp back down soil. 

I am thankful for the beautiful ones God has given our family to love.

We thought this year might hold a glimpse of what God has planned in the future for our family. We had hoped it was time to plant in faith again. Something new. Last spring we packed up half our house. A sink/floor drain plumbing disaster had caused our basement family room/bedroom to be gutted and need of redoing....again. We were sharing a bedroom with our boys, everything was covered in drywall dust and we were done. We got a storage unit and started preparing our house to sell. And yet here we are in our little yellow house. Still praying and seeking. Still confused, but trying again to learn contentment.

I dig a hole waiting for the Lord to plant something NEW in it. He chooses to water what he has already given, somedays with my tears.

I am thankful for my husband's job that provides food for our table, a home that keeps us warm and close together, and a city I've fallen back in love with as my home more times than I can count.

In 2014...
I have dug up in doubt.
I have replanted.
I have begged God to water.
I have felt the sun.

I am thankful.

Christmas Traditions

Last week was a heavy hitter week and so this week I am lightening things up a bit and blogging on one of the subjects I was asked to blog on.

Christmas Traditions

My husband would be quick to claim that all of my Christmas traditions couldn't possibly fit in one post. Christmas is my favorite holiday and I am kind of a tradition junkie. And I agree with him. We do many of the "usuals." Touring lights. A christmas ornament for each of our kiddos. And we are kind of obsessed with our creative Christmas card.

So, I thought I would choose 3 of our more "original" traditions to share.

25 Days of Christmas Books
I didn't make this idea up but I have successfully implemented it for at least 3 years now. Each year I wrap up 25 Christmas books and number them. (Usually I do it in January when I take down my decorations so they are set for the next year.) Then each night in December we open one and read it as a family along with our Advent Book. The kids absolutely love this. Its basically free and I love how we gather each day to snuggle up. Then once the books are open we add them to our Christmas book collection basket to be read over and over. The kids love waiting and watching for their favorites.

You are probably thinking "You have 25 Christmas books?" Umm...yes. Actually we have more. The basket isn't empty when we start. My kids get a Christmas book each year. It used to be each of them got their very own book, now we usually do just one to share. Most of our books were purchased second hand. With this tradition in mind I was able to find lots of options over one summer of yard sales. And I've picked up a few on ebay I wanted but couldn't find locally. And if you are wanting to start this year and be budget friendly I knew someone who actually wrapped library books.

Our Advent Book
The other book we read each night in December is our Advent Book. It was recommended to me by Jill Savage and I absolutely LOVE it. The book is heirloom quality. Each day it has a door to open. Inside is a beautiful illustrations and part of the biblical Christmas story. Each day you start at the beginning and open each door up to the current day. So you read day one twenty five times. I love that the words are straight from Scripture. My kids basically have it memorized because of the repetition. Before any of my kiddos were readers they would help "read" the days they had memorized.

Now you all want the book, right? Here is my disclaimer. Its expensive. Like I'm probably one of the most frugal people you know, right? So you are going to die when you hear how much I paid for this book. I think it was like $45 when I bought it. So not cheap. However, I would pay it again. I simply love it. While I know we could make the same memories with a cheaper book I really love this one and the heart behind the couple who made it. Their ministry is helping families celebrate and make traditions.

You should check out their website for tons of free ideas for celebrating and making memories with your kids.

(The book can be purchased there and I don't get anything if you decide to purchase FYI.)

Christmas Meals on Wheels
I saved the most unique of our traditions for last. You've probably never heard of this one. It has its roots in my very own childhood. My mom is amazing. If you think I'm a decent cook, baker, or food sharer its her you owe the thank you to. When I was younger she loved to bless others with good food. All of our coaches, helpers, and sunday school teachers usually got cinnamon rolls or sometimes a homemade pizza for Christmas. I remember I loved going with her to deliver them. She had a reputation and people were always thankful to get some of her cinnamon rolls. Over the years I've baked cinnamon rolls and cheese cakes for Jeremy's youth workers. But, when it came time to thank our kids' sunday school teachers we decided to do dinner.

I will make a dinner I can make in mass. One year I did homemade pizzas. One year I did soup and rolls. Then we load all that food and our children up in our van. We drive around delivering it to our children's sunday school teachers, encourager, and children's minister. It usually takes a good hour or more to do all the deliveries. We put a Christmas movie on for the kids to watch. When we get to their teachers house they get to get out and help deliver. When its all delivered (or sometimes as we are delivering) we eat fast food. ( a huge treat for our kids.)

We've done this for two years. Minus last year when we were getting ready to go to Africa. They got truffles on Valentines day instead last year, because the point of traditions isn't to make yourself want to scream. ;)

So there you have it friends. We love us some Christmas, mostly because we'd be lost if Jesus hadn't been born!

When God Gives You What You Need

I have opened this new blog post tab numerous times this week.

I just couldn't find anything to say.

I even took my plight to FB and got wonderful suggestions from some friends. But, alas I stink at forced creativity. Which is TOTALLY my mom's fault. When I have an idea its good, and when I can't find one and ask others for help I inevitably end up waiting for my own idea because I'm not good at running with someone else's creativity most of the time. (This make my husband adore me and never makes him supremely frustrated when he happens to be the person I'm asking for help!)

What I really needed was to go for a walk with a friend and talk for like twenty minutes until my idea surfaced. Its usually in there somewhere I just need someone to help bring it to the surface. (I said friend because this role frustrates my husband because apparently men don't talk to process. Go figure. Bless my husband for putting up with me!)

And so I "took a walk" over the phone with a friend this week and did some processing. And I knew from the start the reason I didn't have a post idea. Because the thing God wanted me to post about this week I had anchored down and tucked away. But, alas the Lord has made it clear that I should share what he taught me this week.

Right now my spirit is saying, "Boo to transparency!" But I type anyway.

Last week Jeremy and I spent in fasting and prayer. We have been seeking the Lord's direction for our lives. We had been planning this time for over a month and asked a few people to join with us. It sounds very spiritual. However, the week was much less romantic then it sounds. Jeremy was slammed at work. I was up to my eye balls in trying to finish up Orphan Sunday planning. We barely saw each other. We muddled through and prayed individually, but I'm not even sure we got to pray together.  And my fast was a total bust. I broke it early because I almost devoured our two smallish children with angry words. I've never done that-the breaking the fast early part- not the angry words part...apparently Satan really doesn't want us listening.

Random Side Note: The Lord was gracious to bring to mind a similar story from Greg Pruett's book Extreme Prayer  from when they tried to seek the Lord in prayer. I began reading the book again. You should read it too. I have a copy you can borrow. One of my best reads this year!

Okay, back from the commercial.

I was feeling very discouraged and frustrated. At the end of the week Jeremy and I both felt no closer to making decisions than when we started. We still have no idea what we are supposed to be when we "grow up."

So I was avoiding. Friend One calls Monday. We talk about everything...and she finally asks about how it went. I have nothing. I'm frustrated and discouraged and kind of embarrassed if I'm really honest. Friend Two texts on Tuesday. I don't text back. What am I supposed to say? It was a disaster? Friend Three messages on Wednesday. I ignore again. I'm feeling desperate at this point. I can't avoid them forever.

Enter my Thursday morning quiet time. God broke the silence. I decided to go back through the words and Scriptures that my friends had shared with me the previous week. I had wrote them all in my journal and read them numerous times. I finally admitted what I had already seen the week before. Over and over I saw a similar theme.

The curse words of my spiritual existence.

Wait

Wait patiently

God will honor your waiting upon Him

Wait

Keep on asking

Keep on seeking

Keep your spiritual fervor serving the Lord

Patient in affliction

Faithful in prayer

Joyful in HOPE

Unfortunately the first time around these words didn't leaving me feeling hopeful. They left me feeling despair.

I DON'T WANT TO WAIT ANYMORE!

(Yes, I sound like a toddler throwing a tantrum but its the truth.)

But Thursday morning God opened my eyes and showed me he didn't give me what I wanted. He gave me what I needed. And every good parent knows that is the best plan. And so I once again sit in hope. Even joyfully. Thankful the Lord didn't forget me. He gave me something in the midst of the crazy.

He gave me answers I needed, even if they weren't the answers I wanted.

So,  I'm here waiting. And praying for the patience part. And writing this down so I can remember to be joyful when the truth of the God's word come alive grows cold.

The Red Plate

I've been pretty honest around here. And it seems like you appreciate that. But, at the risk of you thinking I am currently screwing up every area of this parenting gig I thought I'd share one of our parenting wins. I love it because its a great example of "good enough" getting the job done.

When my girls were little I was in a mamas book club. I loved it. We read marriage/parenting books. It was like professional development for a SAHM. It gave me a goal and kept me learning. And I had HAVE a lot to learn. This idea came from one of the books we read. To be honest I have no idea which book it was, but of the millions of ideas we read about this one somehow stuck for us.

I'm guessing you've heard of it. Or a version of it. In no way am I thinking I'm throwing out something super original that you are going to want to pin on pinterest. The reason I'm blogging about it is because its been wildly successful in a way that surprised Jeremy and I.

Basically the original idea was that your family had a special plate that was used to celebrate accomplishments/birthdays. I believe the author simply had a plain red ceramic plate that the person got to eat off. I liked the idea and hadn't had a chance to do anything with it. I was planning to purchase a red dinner plate from Walmart the first time I went shopping there that I didn't desperately want to leave as soon as I found everything on my list.  (aka never happening)

Then that Christmas someone brought us cookies/candy on this red charger and I thought. Our red plate has come home.  So I took a sharpie and wrote, "Humiston Family Star" around the outside. That's it. I thought it will do for now in a pinch- let's get started before I forget this good idea.

It's a $1 store charger with a fading message in black sharpie.

And my kids want to eat off it more than anything else. Seriously.

Well, you might of guessed that I never got around to purchasing a fancy one like this.

Apparently there is an entire Internet Site/Store! Who knew?
(No worries I make absolutely $0 dollars if you click through.)

And I am guessing my grandkids will be eating off the homemade charger plate, because at this point my kids are kind of attached to it.

The thing I continue to marvel at is how motivated they are to try and earn the red plate. There have been times for bigger things where we have given them a choice that they can go get an ice cream cone or eat off the red plate. And the CHOOSE the red plate! (Score- that is totally free.)

Here are some things we've used the red plate for:
-Accomplishing a personal goal. (learning to unbuckle your own carseat/tying your shoes)
-Doing an act of service that your parent sees and you don't point out.
-Receiving a compliment from an adult. (Someone else tells mom or dad something good!)
-Birthdays
-Awards at School
-Dad's promotion at work
-Sacrifice (giving up the last piece or turn of something)

Jeremy has also been great about pulling it out a time or two to celebrate "mom." And having the kids tell me what they love about me.

When the kids were tiny we basically made stuff up.

For example we might have celebrated a day of no crying. But, it got them attached to the idea before they got too old to think it was dorky. They totally bought in.

In the beginning of the tradition we might go months without pulling it out. We were still learning to remember to celebrate. But, now that our kids are older they remind us. Or possibly even beg for us to notice things. When Titus did something good at preschool he asked his preschool teacher to write a note so he could tell me. (and get the red plate). Another of my children asked for a copy of an award at school so she could bring it home that night and said it was her ticket to, "a good life." It was really fun when David began to catch on to the idea of the red plate and began asking, "I earn the red plate?" any time he did something good.

One of my favorite parts about this tradition is that it challenges me to look for the good. If a member of our family hasn't had the plate in awhile I will watch for something to celebrate. We also try to use it to reinforce the importance not only of accomplishment but also biblical character. We give the red plate as much for service as we do awards.

This past week ALL of my children earned the red plate- that has never happened.

Grace- Star Reading & Math Award

 Faith-Star Math Award

 David-Picture in Newspaper

Titus- Being the First One Dressed (When he is always last & late!)

So, whether your plate is red or blue. Comes from a fancy special store or is just something you made up. Start celebrating with your kids. They will love it and you will too!

If at first you don't succeed...

I love God's word.

It has been a game changer for me in my walk with Christ.

My freshman year of college I got serious about figuring out this relationship thing and for me that meant finally consistently getting into God's word. Its not that it was my first go round with Bible reading. I had tried and tried again throughout high school but in college something finally clicked. I began journaling and I started making my time with the Lord part of my daily schedule.

Fast forward almost 15 years later. I've had some dry seasons. But I've always came back to that holy habit. My kids know if they get up early they will find me reading my Bible. And I love that. But, its not enough.

I believe that...

God's word is truth. I believe that the answers I need are in there. I believe that spending time in God's word is a huge part of God transforming me into the woman he wants me to become. His word has been my comfort. It has been my joy. I have it posted all over my house. Recently when I was facing discontent I looked up verses on contentment and put them everywhere. I begged God to make those words true in my living breathing everyday life.

Our heart beat for the nations is closely tied to Pioneer Bible Translators. For years we've supported missionaries who champion the cause of God's word in every language.  Because I truly believe in the power of Scripture.

But my actions inside my little yellow house aren't lining up.

Despite this priority in so many areas of my life I feel I have failed when it comes to reading the Bible to my children. Its not that we don't talk about the Bible or biblical principles. We do. But it doesn't feel like enough. I don't want my kids to be in college before they start practicing being in the word daily.


Each school year we've tried to find a model that works for our family.

We've tried after school.

We've had chaos and not listening and what felt like a total waste of time.

We've tried breakfast.

We've given up.

We've tried bed time (unfortunately my least favorite)

We've quit trying.

We've felt guilty.

We've tried again. And again. And again.

Honestly this single fact is the root of some of my deepest wrestling over wether we should be home schooling our children. But, the Lord has made it clear to me that he has called our family to be missionaries in the public school system. He has shown me that I need to embrace my calling and make time in the word with my children a priority versus thinking home schooling will solve my lack of discipline.

And so I recently shared this struggle with a friend. I got honest about how I felt like our circumstances just didn't seem to have a perfect fit. And I decided that we were going to try again and  settle for good enough. I was going to let go of having a fancy curriculum. I was going to let go of the fact that my husband isn't home in the morning, but for now that is really the only time that works. I was going to stop letting my unrealistic expectations keep us from starting again even though we've failed so many times before.

This time I decided I needed all the help I could get. So I pulled out this shiny not so new ebay purchase kids Bible and explained to my kids why I thought this was so important. I told them that God used celebration throughout the Old Testament to help his people remember him. We set a goal. If we can get through this Bible by the end of the school year we are going to go stay in a hotel with a pool or go cabin camping (their choice). I knew if they were excited about it they would be my very best living reminders.

Part of me feels guilty. Like I shouldn't have to "bribe" us to get us to read the Bible. But a bigger part of me feels like this is too important not to help us form our holy habit.

And so here I am sharing my failure with all of you. Maybe your kids will snuggle right in for reading story books, but all hell breaks loose when you try to read the Bible at your house too.

Maybe you do mornings or bedtime alone and you know what its like to think you just can't do it by yourself.

Or maybe you've tried and failed too.

If so I'm keeping you company. But, I'm not sticking around. I'm trying again. And I'm giving this little Humiston family goal to God. Asking him to bless my meager efforts. Praying he will grow a love for his word in my kids.

Feel free to ask me how that is going. Really.

You Know You Are Good Friends When

Well, I'm a little late with my post this week. But, I'm choosing Wednesday is GOOD ENOUGH, versus giving up on this little weekly blog post goal. On Sunday I was traveling from Dallas, Texas back to my home in good ol' Missouri with this gal. My husband flew me down there to visit one of my besties Lindsay as my birthday gift. He is awesome like that.

We had an amazing time just doing life together for a few days. My group of college girlfriends are a sweet gift from the Lord that I am constantly grateful for. Our time together inspired this little list.

You Know You Are Good Friends When...

1- You want your birthday present to be time together. Not super special time, just regular old pick your kids up from school and do the dishes everyday kind of time.

2-You NEVER stay up late anymore because you are officially old, but you string several late nights together.

3-You try really hard to avoid helping clean up their child's car sick vomit, but do it anyway because you love them too. Then you feel free to be honest and share your avoidance antics so you can both get a good hard laugh out of it.

4-You spend countless hours talking about saving money, making homemade everything, and end up visiting an Amish store because you just can't send her back to Texas without sharing your best deals.

5-You make dinner out a 3-4 hour long affair. We can never seem to run out of things to talk about.

6-You can share your ugly stuff and not be regretting sharing it later.

7-Your heart just cares about the same stuff and it makes you smile and stay up late and ignore your children as much as its possible. (Thank you amazing husbands!)

8-You get great joy in seeing your children play together, celebrate fall birthdays together, and in pictures together.

9-You come north to freeze on your children's fall break instead of staying in the blissfully still warm south.

10-You can't wait to share a neighborhood in heaven some day. And you have even more sweet friends that you can't wait to share it with too.

I've been through some rough friendship stuff in my life. I've done tears and change and I'm still growing. And through the hard I've never stopped being grateful that I found girlfriends like I did in college and that we are still journeying together today, even at a distance that sometimes requires an airplane.

Greener Grass or A Well Watered Garden

I have been staring at my computer for over twenty minutes, begging it to give me something. I toss around ideas for a few surface level posts. But, today it seems I have nothing to say.

I'm confused.

Jeremy and I are in a season of intense searching for what God has for us. And its not that God isn't working, I'm just not ready to share all the details.

Last night I sat in my van and I wept before the Lord.

(Because all mamas know the shower and your minivan parked in your own driveway are two of the places the Lord loves to work best, right?)

We were having a very honest chat about where he's brought us and where we are headed. I seem to know very little about the second.

But, the Lord didn't leave me alone. He gave me something.

Even though most of what I said to him involved ugly tears and asking the Spirit to intercede and communicate what I couldn't God gave me a picture. I am a super visual person. And what I saw was God planting my tears. And out of those tears over time beautiful flowers grew. Eventually, I know these tears will turn into a harvest of joy.

Now don't hear me wrong. I have no illusions that means those flowers will be exactly what I wanted to grow. It won't be everything working out exactly as I had hoped, planned, or even schemed. But, eventually there will be flowers.

God also brought this quote to my mind, "The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence, the grass is greener where you water it." And so I'm begging God to water me! I took that quote and I began searching my Bible for a verse to communicate this picture.

And this one just seemed perfect.

"The Lord will guide you ALWAYS, he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scortched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a WELL-WATERED garden." Isaiah 58:11

A master gardner I am not.

Especially when it comes to flowers. I might be motivated enough to keep vegetable alive because I like to eat. But, flowers not so much. I kept my one hanging basket of flowers alive this summer and was pretty proud of myself. If I had to make a future house wish list it would include no flower beds. Their up keep just stresses me out.

The only way I am going to have beautiful flower beds is if I were to turn that job over to someone else. Someone I would probably have to pay. So you can just enjoy the bright yellow paint, because that ain't happening.

And the only way I'm getting flowers growing in this mess of my life is if God is the master gardner planting my tears.

Maybe what I need isn't the allure of greener grass, maybe what I need is to be a well-watered garden.

(On a random side note apparently there is a plant called "baby tears" which I discovered while trying to find an image for this post...maybe I need to plant some for my window as my visual reminder of what God is teaching me. I can actually somewhat keep house plants alive. ;)

A Letter to Myself on My First Day of Motherhood

This morning a beautiful little family was born. Two became three. I awoke to a text that a young couple in our church had delivered their baby in the night. And it got me thinking about a much younger me. I feel like I barely remember my 23 year old self holding 8 pounds 3 ounces of baby girl. God has taught me so much since then. And I thought about what I would tell myself about what lies ahead on this journey called motherhood. What would I say to myself on my first day as a mom?

Dear New Mama,

-You will survive breastfeeding. There will be tears. But your sheer determination and frugality will win. You will successfully breastfeed three children through their first year of life. (And bonus it will burn tons of calories!)

-You will sleep again...eventually. You think you can't survive sleep deprivation because you have always required a lot of sleep. It will be hard. Their will be nights when its time to go to bed and you will feel like you need to be ready to run a marathon because your second "day" is just beginning. You will be exhausted. But your husband will help and before you know it you will  have to get up for a bad dream or a puking child and you will realize how out of practice at the night shift you are.

-You were so afraid of your body completely falling apart and never working again after your amazing (insert total sarcasm here) birthing classes. Well, that was only half true. Your body will never be the same. You will bear the mark of childbirth on your body for all your days. But, you will heal. You will loose the weight (from all 3 babies!) and your husband will still think you are beautiful.

-You will gain confidence. And you will be unsure all over again. In the beginning you will be petrified to give your child a pacifier before its recommended or to make baby food without a recipe. (Yes, I seriously thought I needed more instructions that puree cooked veggies and fruit.)  But, with  hours of motherhood experience and each child you will gain more confidence in your mama style. You will teach your babies to sleep in their beds. You will conquer baby food making. You will let you baby boy suck his thumb and be confident enough to know it was what you had to do to survive. But your babies will grow, and you will be unsure all over again. As you navigate first days of school, homework, and girl drama you will recognize you still have so much to learn. The best advice- just take it one step at a time.

-You will discover how divisive this mothering thing can be. Breastfed or bottle. Sleeping on the back or (gasp) ignoring those hospital warning videos and sleeping on the tummy. Starting food at 4 months or 6 months. Attachment parenting vs. the Baby Wise schedule. Staying home or working. Time outs or spankings. Homeschool or public school. Activities vs. family time. And you will learn not to judge. When you see a toddler melting down in a store you will no longer think, "Oh, my word!" Instead you will whisper a prayer for that mother instead of thanking God it isn't your child. Because there will be days it is your child. You will learn there isn't one right way. And you will be able to embrace mothers doing what works for them.

-You hate being alone. That will change. You will discover a moment or two a day where you are by yourself and no one needs you can be a well deserved blessing.

-You will discover that parenting is super hard. You will realize what you desperately need is not a book or a method or even a break. What you desperately need is the Holy Spirit to produce fruit in you.

-You will learn to embrace the kids God gave you and not the kids you dreamed of. Because lets be honest who dreams of realistic kids anyway? God will challenge you to accept that your kids aren't necessarily ones that would be labeled "easy." You will think you've learned this lesson. And then you will have to learn it all over again and again as you struggle to give up the perfect family facade you desperately want to hold on to. You will cling to the truth that what your kids need is Jesus and not a certain personality type. You will be committed to seeing their unique bent and helping that flourish, even when you don't think you will survive their strong-willed personality (on steroids).

-You will promise yourself that you will NEVER say to a young overtired, stressed out mother in the grocery store, "Cherish EVERY moment. They grow up so fast." Because her life doesn't seem like a Hallmark movie right now and it certainly doesn't seem like its going by fast. You realize now no one EVER cherished the puking or the sleepless nights. They have just forgot about them. All they remember now is the snuggles and the smiles. And someday you will miss those too.

-You will never see things the same way again....ever. You will never watch a movie and have the credits roll without seeing your kids having a dance party, you will never see a red plate without seeing a celebrated spelling test, you will never eat a cupcake without seeing God's provision, you will never see shaped pancakes and big Saturday morning breakfasts without remembering these littles and the ways they have changed your life forever.

Love,
The Mama, 8  years 7 months

Wondering what I will write to myself in another 8 years...Grace will have her driver's license.

I think I had better take my own advice and take it one day at a time.

My Dirty Little Secret

Today I am going to let you in on a dirty little secret about myself.

I am selfish.

There. It's done. I've spoken the truth.

If God has used motherhood to teach me one thing about myself this is it.

Please don't argue with me. Or list things you see me doing that seem "unselfish." Because the truth is that so much of the sin in my life basically boils down to selfishness.

I'm pretty sure Mother Teresa never said phrases like, "For the love of all that is good and holy just GO TO BED so I can watch a short show and eat a bowl of popcorn before I fall into bed exhausted."

What this isn't your normal nightly bedtime routine?

Me either. I let my kids pray as long as they want to and then sing them their own uniquely chosen bedtime Jesus song.

At least on the nights we have company over.

And I'm almost certain June Cleaver never said when her husband came home from work, "Either get me a date night on the calendar or I'm going to shrivel up and die from lack of adult conversation." or texted her friends, "Please pray for me. I feel my kids are in mortal peril. If J doesn't get home from work soon someone might not make it."

You better believe that text totally doesn't exist on my phone...because I deleted it.

Before I became a mother if you had asked me if I was a selfish person I would have said no. And I would have felt pretty good about that, because in some ways God has made me a natural giver.  And so I comfortably sat under the false assumption that made me unselfish.

Then we ushered in our fourth child and something in me broke. And it took me by total surprise.

I had prepared myself for the challenges of adopting a child. And boy are their joys and challenges. But, that isn't what this is really about.

"Everyone" had told me that after three you just run out of hands and whats one more. The motherhood masses seemed to agree that the adjustment to child number 3 was the hardest and after that well you kind of had the "big family" thing down.

I really, really, really wanted that to be true. Sorry for all the "reallies" but they help me show you how bad I wanted easy adjustment to be our reality instead of real lies. (See what I did there...aren't I clever? Okay, maybe not...)

I wanted to rock the facade that we do crazy well and we are just loving this little life with "lots" of children well.  But, the truth is in my experience being a mama to four is harder then being a mama to three.

In general being a mama with joy in her heart daily to the precious ones God has given me has been nothing short of a Holy Spirit miracle some days. Instead I feel grumpy and worn out. I feel like the bar on my motherhood goals are so low. Like keeping them fed, alive, somewhat showered, alive, and homework done (maybe signed and turned in), and ALIVE are all I can handle. And I don't feel great about that, but I feel like its the reality that I'm hanging out in.


I want my kids to go to bed so I can relax.

I want to have a girls night so I can recharge.

I basically worship the date on my calendar that promises a date night with my hubbie.

I live for moments of peace and quiet when they are in bed and I'm not messing it up or loosing my temper.

I want my kids to be easy and well behaved instead of training them up in the way God has uniquely made them to change this world for him.

I don't want to look like a frazzled over tired mess that got herself in over her head.

I want my life to be fun. easy. comfortable.

And on the days when its not I'm trying to be thankful that Jesus died for selfish little me. For the part of me that still screams like a bratty little child, "I want my way! I deserve my way! So many other mothers have it easier than me!" More of me is going to have to die in order to raise my children well. Not the good parts, but the selfish parts need an eviction notice.

In the midst of the struggle the Lord recently gave me this promise from Isaiah, "You will keep in PERFECT PEACE him whose mind is steadfast, because he TRUSTS in you. Trust in the Lord forever for the Lord, the Lord, is the rock eternal." I am claiming this verse. I don't see its truth right now. I don't feel perfect peace. But, I am trying to trust that God indeed gave me these four little people to raise and that I can trust him. I am trying to park my brain and set up camp there in the truth of God's word.

And I'm feeling pretty good about that goal right now, mostly because my kids finally went to bed.

I love my 4 kids.
I love being a mama.

And I mostly love that it is challenging me to become more like Jesus than anything I've ever done.

The Last Bite

The Humiston family is not good at everything.

We are not good at being quiet or sitting still.

We are not particularly fashionable.

We are horrible at yard work most of the time.

And have mercy, we can barely take a decent family photo to save our lives. (Right Aunt Jo Jo?)

But, there are few things we are pretty good at. One of them is being helpers. If I said "Humiston's are..." My kids would all jump in and say, "Helpers!" Unless that is I did it in front of you hoping to impress you, then they would look at me with blank stares like we don't repeat this phrase every other day in our home. Both Jeremy and I come from families that value hard work and loyal service and so its become one of our family mottos if you will.

Another value we are trying to impress upon our kids' hearts is being good stewards of the blessings the Lord give us. When you rub shoulders with people in your city and across the world who know hunger it changes your perspective on throwing away food. So we are trying not to waste things. One way this shows up is in a phrase we stole from Jeremy's childhood "Take all you want, but eat all you take." (I know some of you are quietly thinking we are sending them straight to a future weight loss support group. Don't worry our big kids are catching on quick to portion size and our littles don't get to choose how much they take anyway.)

I am all about letting my kids feed themselves. So Titus has been spooning his own nourishment into his little (okay maybe not so little ) mouth since before his first birthday. Out of this came something unexpected. When he would finish yogurt or applesauce I would then scrape up the last bit and say, "last bite." So we didn't waste the last bite or two he didn't have the fine motor skills yet to get. And somehow it just caught on. He is now 4 1/2 years old and he still says, "Mama, last bite!" He hands me his spoon and I scrape out hopefully a bite. I hadn't really caught on to how special this little ritual was until along came our 4th child.

When David came home and got a yogurt we didn't have to teach him to eat it all. His little survival skills told him that you eat yummy food to the last drop. When he handed the container back to me it literally looked like he had taken it to the sink...and washed it with soap and water. However, he caught on to the "last bite." And before long (and when he had a little English under his belt) he would smile and hand me his yogurt cup and say, "Last Bite!" In the beginning, I would pretend to scrape the sides and feed him a "bite." Because lets be honest there wan't anything there to make up a bite.

But, then something happened.

Watching a brother whole loved the mama giving the last bite over and over.

Time home.

A mama who always shared the last bite instead of eating it herself.

One day it turned into him intentionally leaving yogurt in his cup. He trusted me to share. He trusted that if he didn't lick the cup clean there would be more. And he knew what he needed wasn't just a last bite it was for it to come through the hands of his loving mama.

And at some point when I could string two thoughts together I realized God has been teaching me the same. As I mentioned last week I am generally a go getter. So if we need something my general approach is to take action. I prioritize city wide garage sales. I pursue the good will. I watch for bargains online. I post needed items on Facebook to see if someone had something to share. And there is nothing wrong with any of those things. However, God has shown me what I really need isn't a pair of boots for my daughter's horse back riding lessons or a microwave.

What I REALLY need is for them to come through the hands of my loving Father, because I trust him to always share.

And oh, the stories I can tell of his abundance to share. Another day.

A Year of Blogging

"I just can't get in front of it." -Mom's Night Out

Can I get an amen from the other mamas out there?

Over the last few months I've felt rusty. So many of the things I used to be good at I feel like I've lost.

I used to be organized. Now I live in chaos.

I used to be energetic and ready to take on the world. Now I'm tired. (Although I'm still willing to take on the world most days- I'm determined like that.)

I used to be fun. Now I'm just trying to make sure my kids are fed and bathed. And alive.

I used to blog. Now you are thinking...she blogged? I didn't know that!

I used to desire to be intentional. Now I put out fires.

In the weeks leading up to my birthday I was reflecting on the crazy mess that is my thought life and I  decided I needed a challenge. A goal. And I decided I wanted to blog. Not as a scrapbook. But as an intentional outlet for the things that God is working out in me daily.

So for this 32nd year of my living and breathing I am going to attempt to write weekly on this little forgotten blog.

There it is. Typed out and official.

So far I'm off to a great start. My birthday was a week ago and yesterday I finally shared this made up goal with J. I'd already almost forgotten about it in the "fires" of the week. A broken stove. A stolen credit card. A new homework routine to learn.  However today is one week from my birthday and so he suggested I get up and get going.  So here I am.

Every Sunday morning I'm hoping to wake early and attempt to say something. I'm very certain I won't have something worth hearing on a weekly basis. But that is part of the challenge. Because the truth is that every week God is at work in my life challenging me. Sandpapering away at my rough edges. I'm hoping this "holy habit" will also fuel an awesome year of worship as I reflect each Sunday morning.

Now I'm going to hit publish before I chicken out. Let this year of blogging journey begin.

Almost Home

 “I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers.” Ephesians 1:16

How do we say thank you? We know it may seem like a simple thing...just say it.  However, the words don’t convey our sincere gratitude to so many people.  People that have walked with us every step.  People that stayed up late working on the crazy fundraisers we planned.  Friends who bought 1,000’s of cupcakes.  Brothers and sisters listening to our struggles throughout this process.  A body of believers that has prayed for us.  When we arrive home with our son it will complete a long struggle that we hope glorifies God. We are blessed to see our needs and concerns disappear not because of our capabilities or resources but because of His.  Our son has, like all of our children, an amazing story.  We are blessed to say thank you for being a part of his story.

On Thursday, January 9th after 2 weeks in West Africa (and 2 years of waiting before that!) we will finally be ready to come home to Hannibal with our newest addition.  We are so, so excited to be coming home and to finally be together as a family of 6!

We wanted to take a moment and write a bit about David's transition when we get home. As we mentioned earlier we are very blessed by our friends, family, & church family. And while we are so thankful to have such a large support network, it may be very confusing for David at first.

For this reason, when we first get home David will be staying at home. The fancy adoption term is “cocooning” and everybody does it differently. We are hoping to cocoon for about 4-6 weeks but we are being flexible. David is used to  being in one place (his orphanage) and having rotating caregivers (nannies). We are hoping this time at home will be a great chance to show him what being a family is all about and for him to figure out exactly who his mom, dad, & siblings are.

Since we know you can’t wait to meet David we are having a homecoming party the first Saturday we are home at the church. We hope it will be a wonderful celebration of ALL God has done. You can meet David then before we “hide out” for awhile. Here are some tips for interacting with him.

~Instead of focusing on the don’ts lets start with a DO. Feel free to say, “Bonjour or Hello.” He loves to wave and greet people. He is also pretty good at handshakes and high fives. Please don’t hug, kiss, or attempt to hold him in your arms or on your lap. If he requests to be picked up just send him our way! This helps him understand that his mom & dad are special.

~David loves to play and giggle once he warms up. When playing with David, please redirect requests for nurturing back to Jeremy or Jennifer.  So if he is hungry, thirsty, gets hurt, needs a cuddle, etc., please direct him back to us, with a friendly, "Let's see your mom for a [kiss, drink, etc]"  When we meet his needs that helps him figure out what it means to have a mom or dad to take care of you.

We need you to extend grace to us as we figure this adoptive parenting thing out! In turn, we plan to extend grace if you happen to forget and break one of the “rules.” Parenting an older adopted child is tricky business and we know we have a lot to learn! We love you all and can't wait to see you!