Jehovah Jireh- The Lord will Provide

About a month ago we were here. It was a crazy unknown place. And it left me literally sobbing on the alter at our church. I was begging God. Begging him to bring my son home safely. Begging him to make me willing to sacrifice. Begging him to provide whatever we needed.

And God has not disappointed. Since I last shared we have found a new agency to help us finish our adoption journey. This is huge. Some of you might remember that switching agencies wasn't simple, because there weren't any other agencies working in Guinea. We were back to the you have to do this, but there isn't anyone who does that place. (We've been here before, right Christine?) But, God in his amazing grace quickly used another family who is adopting from Guinea who is actually behind un in the process to connect with a lawyer who runs an agency in Tacoma, Washington called Faith International Adoptions. That very Monday after I sobbed my heart out to God I was able to talk with John Meske from Faith International and I had an incredible feeling of peace. I knew in my heart this was God's provision. Their agency has worked in countries without an established program, they are very familiar with the Hague, and they were willing to help! Did I mention they were willing to help us for FREE and John spoke French? Which was like the perfect icing on the cake. WOW, God! After networking with the other adoptive families who were in the same boat as us we all agreed that this was where God was heading.

Faith International has been amazing to work with and have been working hard to get everything that had been done incorrectly sorted out. And so we have finally filed the paperwork we thought we would be sending off in mid-July. In the end we see SO many benefits that have come from this major unforeseen upheaval. All the families from A New Arrival switched together to the new agency and we once again are working together to learn the process. This agency is much more suited for our needs and has a lot more experience. Our dream of seeing a program started is on much more solid ground. The Facebook group that was started with families who have adopted from Guinea and are in the process has been a huge encouragement! We've found out we aren't as alone as we thought. While we were pretty aware of the US couples in the process we've met couples from Canada and some expatriate families who are serving in other parts of Africa who are also in the process.

Our church has been worshipping around the different names of God. Earlier this summer we spent a week worshipping Jehovah Jireh, which means The Lord Will Provide. I had heard this name of God before. Mostly people praising God for his financial provision. But, it was fascinating to connect this name of God with the Old Testament story of Abraham and Isaac. Abraham was about ready to sacrifice his son Isaac. He took everything he needed for the sacrifice. Just before they reached the place Isaac said, "Behold the fire and the wood, but where is the lamb for the burnt offering?? And Abraham said, "God will provide for Himself the lamb for the burnt offering my son." We all know that just as Abraham was about to kill his son the Lord stepped in and provided a ram for the sacrifice.  After the sacrifice Abraham named the place "The Lord WIll Provide" which in Hebrew is YHWH-jireh. "Jireh" translates into "Provide."Pro means "before" and video mean "to see." So it means to see in advance or before the need is known. God is preparing to answer before we even know there is a need.

We have seen the truth of this passage in our own lives this summer.

I was concerned about finding another agency. Jehovah Jireh has provided with an amazing agency.

 I was concerned about what it would cost. Jehovah Jireh has provided for every step.

I was concerned about if I could keep going. Jehovah Jireh has provided encouragement from those who know this journey.

I was concerned about how long it would take.

This is the one area that hasn't changed. Its still going to take longer. Our sweet boy is still going to inch closer and closer to his third birthday in the orphanage. It's put us in a new season I hadn't anticipated. I am now at home with just Titus as both the girls are in school. And part of me feels like to be loyal to David I need to pout about that. I always thought that when this fall came it would be the "girls" at school and the "boys" at home. I still think its God's will that David be in a family as soon as possible. But, I am going to CHOOSE to trust in the fact that God loves and cares for both of my sons. I'm going to trust this good gift of extra mommy time that Titus is enjoying. And I'm going to pray like crazy for the son that I still cannot pour into with my presence.

Jehovah Jireh has provided peace and the willingness to continue to wait.

On the home front God specifically showed me this week that he can provide things that I couldn't even dream to pray for and its a pretty interesting story. But more on that soon.

Keep praying God's favor over that paperwork. We are praying by God's grace it will move quickly and not have any "red flags" that will prolong the process. We love you all for journeying with us!

Overcomer

It's been a long week. The journey of international adoption is a roller coaster, but this week hasn't even been ups and downs. It's been mostly the crazy unexpected free fall of the unknown. And to be totally honest its been hard. It's left me feeling fragile, like the next thing might break me.

I am typically one to share. I want people to feel like they are on this crazy God adventure with us because in many ways they are. Our family, our small group, our church family have been with us, supported us, prayed for us.

But, its also our very personal journey and this week I couldn't decide where I landed. Did I want people to know how to pray or did I just need some privacy?

Writing for me is like therapy (free therapy!). I sat down and started this post like 3 times but I couldn't find the words to share what is going on in my heart. Because the truth is we are still in the midst of the unknown and we haven't seen God claim the victory YET.

On Monday the family that is paving the way for us shared the sad news that they would have to return from West Africa without their boys. Mistakes had been made and they had no choice but to annul their adoption and begin again. It broke my heart for them and it scared my pants off. They are sacrificing so we and others can come behind.

We are right on their heals and had been hoping to file for our travel approval in the next two weeks. We finally thought we were moving forward. My heart had begun to hope again that we were "getting close." And then in the middle of everything we discovered that there were some unforeseen issues with our adoption agency. I don't want to go in to specifics but the result is that we will most likely need to change agencies. This means more paperwork, more time, more money.

A new agency must be chosen. Fees must be negotiated. Steps done will most likely have to be redone. And we now have no idea when David will come home. And I've teetered on the edge of believing I can do this. I am not a pioneer by nature. I like routine, predictability, and order. And I'm pretty sure that is why God chose to put my son in a country with no established adoption program. Because we aren't just getting a son. We are getting a hands on lesson in trusting God when things are TOTALLY out of our control.

Recently several friends have given birth to their fourth child. In my sinfulness I look and I'm secretly jealous. I think, "So easy. You get pregnant and in 9 months (ish) you get a beautiful baby." But, I know that is a lie. Having experienced the pain of miscarriage I know its not really that simple. And coming up on the one year birthday of my miracle niece I know for a fact that pregnancy is neither simple nor predictable.

And so I choose to believe truth in the midst of painful circumstances. I have reminded myself a million times this week that while we were shocked at all the setbacks God was not surprised. He is sovereign. He sees my hurt. He sees my son. God can overcome. He can make a way where there doesn't seem to be a way (or at least a speedy easy one). I already see glimpses of the good He is going to do. This week a private Facebook group was started for the families on this journey. Already it has brought a new sense of community and greater information sharing. I know that the great stories always make you think things aren't going to work out in the end. And God is a great writer of stories, ones that bring HIM the most glory.

Oh, God make me long for you to get glory the way I long for my son to come home. Take the selfish parts of me and replace them with a desire to serve you even in the hard unknown places. Remind me that I may be fragile, but you are not. Make me an overcomer...

This song totally blessed me this week. If you haven't heard it yet take a listen. Thanks for loving us and praying for us its such a blessing.

You Might Have Been Married 9 Years if...

You Might Have Been Married 9 Years if...

-You realize you are still wearing some of the same clothes you owned when you got married, and you are proud because they still fit!

-You wish you'd been married 10 years so you could justify taking a trip.

- You still feel like a newlywed but your towels are threadbare and your kitchen gadgets are starting to break.

-It's been a long time since anyone called you by your maiden name.

-You need a master's degree to coordinate the logistics of an actual date night.

-People have stopped commenting on how young you are when they see your entourage.

-You are still living in your "starter" house.

-You can't remember the last time you had an uninterrupted conversation.

-You are on your 3rd wedding ring. (American Eagle ring anyone?)

- You drive a mini van, and your just thankful its not a full size van at this point.

-You use the phrase, "Remember when..." a lot.

-You've quit jobs, diets, and making plans, but you haven't quit on each other.

-You figure out you from pictures through the years you've had every possible haircut there is.

- You still actually like to spend time together.

-You can still laugh together even if its at each other.

-You run into people who knew you when you were engaged and they say, "You have how many kids?"

-You realize you've lived more of your married life in Missouri than Illinois, but you still prefer Orange to Gold.

-All your pictures of the two of you are from one of you holding out the camera and clicking.

- You are still brave enough to take you kids camping, but only for 1 night at a time.

-You still like to kiss and your kids aren't big enough to say, "Gross!" yet.

-You have your very own family traditions.

-You're running out of creative "free" anniversary gifts.

-You can't remember the last movie you saw in the theater, but you are sure it wasn't a romantic one.

-You haven't given up on getting each other a Christmas ornament yet.

-You occasionally fantasize about the empty nest years.

- Your favorite conversations are when your driving down the road and all your kids have fallen asleep.

- You still love to do the same things together, you just don't get to do them as often.

-You have to fight your daughters for a date night.

-You have survived the transition to one kid, two kids, three kids, and you are brave enough to take on four.

-You are done "having" babies and have started adopting them.

-You love the weekends so you can spend time together when its not dark.

-You've been to Africa together...

...and other people caught you holding hands.

Here's to 10 years, four kids, and whatever else the Lord has planned. (because we've lived enough life together at this point to know we have no idea what that is) I love you!

A Meaningful Mother's Day

Mother's day is this Sunday! Do you know what you are getting for your mother/grandmother/great-grandmother? Well as of today we do and we thought you might need a great idea. So we are going to share. 

One of our family's goals has been to give more meaningful gifts that have eternal value. For mother's day we always try and make something because we know the mamas love that. 

This year my kids are helping make a cupcake themed card, because as you know we love cupcakes around here. This card was essentially free minus the printing cost which were very minimal. The kids are coloring it and filling in the questions about whatever special family member the card is for. 

We are also including a small card that says the following:

Happy Mother’s Day!

A gift has been given in your honor to the Babies Without Milk Program in West Africa. This program primarily provides milk to grandmothers (like you!) who are raising their orphan grandbabies after their daughters have died in childbirth. They provide the essential formula needed for a baby’s survival while sharing the love of Jesus Christ.

The Babies Without Milk Program is a program that we were able to be introduced to on our recent trip to Africa. We had actually heard about it for awhile but this was our first direct interaction with the director. It really caught my heart!

Since all of the "mothers" we are honoring are also grandmothers I thought this would be a wonderful way to honor them since most of the ladies who are involved with the program are grandmothers who are trying to save their grandbabies.

What a wonderful way to share the love of Jesus with the least of these (orphans) and the hurting family members who are mourning the loss of the baby's mother. Can you think of a better gift for a grandma than helping her save her grandson or granddaughter's life?

To be honest I was shocked at how many women still loose their life in childbirth around the world. Its not something we think about here in our western world. This program currently helps feed over 180 babies on a weekly basis!

For many of these babies they would literally die if not for the intervention of Babies Without Milk. Without a mother to feed them breast milk their only option is formula. The high cost of formula can literally be a death sentence for these sweet babies who are loved and cherished by our God.

If you'd like to join us in donating to the Babies Without Milk Program in honor of your special lady this mother's day simply click on the link below to donate. 

Donate to Babies Without Milk (In the drop box select Projects then West Africa Orphans.)

If you contact me I'd be happy to send you a PDF copy of our cupcake card for FREE for your kids to color and a small card stating that you donated to Babies Without Milk in their honor.

Happy Mother's day. Make it a meaningful one.

Stained

We are back.

And there are lots of questions swimming around about our trip.

How was it? When is David coming home? How are you doing?

The short answer is it was amazing.

It was amazingly good and joyous and it was amazingly hard. And amazingly we still have few answers about when David will come home. We are praying by the end of July but that is really more a desire than a time estimate. But feel free to join us in praying for that!

I hate that there isn't a better answer but there simply isn't.

And a part of me hates that I can't just beam with joy and say it was amazing because it was. But, to be truthful it was also hard. As we came face to face with the challenges of adoption in a country with little infrastructure and a unstable government it was a solemn reminder that this is a perilous road we walk. One where heartbreak is a real danger. And as we balance this tight wire I'm simply left to wonder.

David is our son. And we choose to trust God to bring him home. Even when others have faced the heartbreak of a failed adoption. Even when we see the concern in the eyes of those who know the challenges we face. Not because we are brave but because what other option do we really have? When God tells you a child is yours do you really have a choice other than to obey? And pray? And hope?

And I feel like I have even fewer easy answers to the question of how I'm doing.

For now I can blame the jet lag on my solemn demeanor...but its simply an easy scape goat. There is so much to ponder and process. I am full of joy to be with my three children here again. I'm relishing their snuggles and making fun memories as we reunite after being apart. But, my heart has expanded and it no longer is simply at home here.

I've got one foot in the black dirt of the midwest and one foot still covered in the rusty red dirt of West Africa and my heart kind of feels like its splitting down the middle. For some I'm sure they are glad to wash away that infamous African dirt. They are glad to be home. But you'll notice I said we are back. I couldn't say we were home because that term is so confusing to me right now. And it makes me long for Heaven when all the people and places I love won't be so spread out.

You see that red dirt that stains all it comes in contact with has definitely stained my heart. And I feel like I'm looking at my life through the rust colored lenses of West Africa.

As I hug my babies here I long for the child I can no longer hold. And I hurt for the many others who have no mamas to long for their embrace.

As I use my speedy internet to type this blog post or put a piece of cheddar cheese on my sandwich I consider the cost that our missionaries who serve there pay to bring Jesus to those who do not know.

As I pass church after church after church I'm overwhelmed at the presence of the church here and I ponder the pure spiritual poverty I see in West Africa. People without hope, without a Bible in their language, without a Christian in their village, without the presence of Christ in their lives period. And I'm overwhelmed by the huge need not just for food or clothing but for Jesus in a place where Satan has ruled for such a long time.

And in a moment of pure weakness I squeak out a confession to the Lord. I wish he'd called me to fall in love with an easier place. A place where the cultural issues weren't so complex and the spiritual warfare so dark. A place that doesn't chew up and spit out missionaries with the hardness of simply existing. A place with an established adoption program where others have forged the path. A place with less risk. Or at least a place with cool safari animals.

But, what do you when your heart is already stained other than to obey? And pray? And hope.

Full

This morning Titus woke up at a quarter o' early before my alarm. I pulled him into bed with me and we both attempted to go back to sleep. He was successful and I was somewhat successful. But eventually I ended up just laying there snuggled up watching my baby big boy sleep. It was the much needed reflection time I had been looking for this week.

If I had to pick one word to describe how I feel about our life right now it would be FULL.

So Jenn do you mean FULL like you cup is FULL and overflowing with blessings?

Or do you mean FULL like you just ate too much at thanksgiving dinner and are waiting for digestion to kick in and feel some relief.

Umm.....Yes.

Our basement is FULL with items to take to the missionaries and orphanage. The kids love that packages are arriving every day. We don't normally get packages.

My husband's work schedule is FULL. Wait, I mean exploding. (thanksgiving dinner reference anyone?)He has been working 12-15 hour days this week and getting up a time that that begins with a 4. Have mercy I love that man! It doesn't feel like spring temperatures but apparently someone forgot to tell the bugs.

Our suitcases are half FULL of clean clothes. Two kids packed, one to go.

Our washer is FULL constantly and our sink is FULL of dishes as I attempt to get ready to leave.

My head is FULL of the logistics of trying to plan for being gone for 10 days without our biological children. Can you say medical treatment release form ten times fast? Agh!

Our floors are FULL of toys and dirt. The kids have been playing great while I prepare, but with great imagination comes great big messes. And I do mean literal dirt. Our schedule hasn't left much time for cleaning.

My days are FULL of Titus tantrums. Its like he is preemptively going on strike against us leaving. And of course I'm FULL of patience since I'm leaving him. (Okay maybe only sometimes- prayer appreciated!)

And to make this blog an appropriate length our proverbial "plate" has just been overall FULL.

Let me give you the April lineup.
Week 1- HUGE adoption fundraiser, Humiston Family Trivia Night & Silent Auction
Week 2- We coordinate the Watoto Children's Choir visiting our church.
Week 3-Get ready to leave for West Africa....to meet our son!

And I've been trying to process if this is what it means to be poured out, to sacrifice, or if this is another symptom of my classic over commitment. And to be honest I'm just not sure. When I look at that list I see the exhaustion I feel. And yet I see great blessing.

-Friends and family coming together to raise $7,500 to bring David home. Blessing.
-Our church abuzz with all that God is doing through Watoto and wanting to join in. Blessing.
-Getting to meet our son before we bring him home & minister to dear missionary friends. Blessing.

And I'm just not sure if God really calls us to balance as much as we think.

But, I am sure every season can't be exactly like this season either.

More than anything my heart is FULL. And has been longing to spill it all out into words.

My heart is FULL of anticipation. I haven't had to "wait" too much this month as I haven't had a lot of time for waiting. But, as these last few days creep by I am starting to really anticipate all that this trip will hold. I know its beyond what I can ask for or imagine and I feel certain we will look back just like we did last year and see how it changed the course of our lives.

My heart is FULL of excitement. I love to travel. (don't get me wrong this is not a tourist destination). I love Africa. I love time with my husband. I love this team. I love these missionaries. I love my son. Aren't you excited for us? Wow!

My heart is FULL of uncertainty. We have hit the part of the story where the "rubber hits the road" so to speak. And I'm a bit uncertain. I've done enough reading around to know that some adoptive parents have their child put in their arms and say they instantly knew they would die to save them. That it felt like when they put their newborn babies on their chest. But, I also know other adoptive parents who have had to "fake it till they feel it." They've had to do love as an action through caring for their child before they felt it as an emotion. And I have no idea what our journey will look like. But, of this I am certain God has called us and he will be faithful even when I am uncertain.

My heart is FULL of fears. I'm afraid to meet my son and then have to leave him. I'm afraid of leaving my children and being an ocean away if they are sick or hurt. I'm afraid of dying and leaving our biological children orphans and our son stuck in an orphanage (I know this isn't rational but we've been talking wills people.) And I'm afraid that God might ask more from me then I want to give. And I know these come not from the Lord but from the enemy. We have felt some real spiritual warfare around here. I thought I lost $3,000 in fundraising checks. We lost our dog. We had a major marriage melt down that resulted in me crying on the bathroom floor. And at this point I told Jeremy I just can't do it. This month is just too much. I am empty. I am done.

But behind all that came something that I still feel. Peace. I am FULL of peace.

And I'm so grateful because I think I'm going to need a FULL tank for this journey.



p.s. A LOT of you have been asking two questions.
1-How close are you financially?
Oh, I'd love to answer. But with all the expenses of this trip and trying to pay pending country fees I just don't know yet. It's killing me....but we are going to have to wait to announce that one.
2-Will you be communicating while in Africa?
Yes, the best we can. We feel like we are taking you with us on this journey. So many of you can't wait to "meet David" with us. And we really want you to join us. But, the internet there is sketchy and we need to be good guests so we will do the best we can.

Give the Gift of Lasting Vision

In some ways this is a hard post for Jeremy and I to write.  Because we feel like we are constantly asking you for something. That is the reality of fundraising in adoption. I'm trying to battle the inner "American" in me that says this journey would be better if we could do it on our own. But, the further we get into this journey God is humbling me to see that in fact it is better because we are allowing you to join in on his plan for the orphan. That being said, this post has nothing to do with our adoption I just wanted you to know where my heart was at...

And so on that note I share with you an opportunity to be a blessing. After reading the book "7" by Jen Hatmaker our family teamed up with another family (The McSmiths) to do some "7" like projects. One of them was to do some family dinners where we ate like the poor and learned about a different country. One of those dinners was Romania and we had the privilege of having missionaries to Romania come and share with our children. Out of that experience this idea was born. 

Can you imagine going through life without adequate sight and no hope of seeing an eye doctor? 

This is the plight of many people in rural Romania. One of the ministries of Cristi and Michelle Harlea when they travel to Romania is to host an eye glass clinic. 

While they are not doctors they are able to offer reading glasses. At their last clinic 250 people showed up in the first 15 minutes! Obviously this is a great need. 

 But, they don't just meet the people's physical need. They also give the people true sight by giving them a Romanian Bible and sharing the gospel. 

 Here in America we can get a pair of reading glasses at the $1 store! 

We are setting a goal to collect 300 eyeglasses for the Harlea's clinic this summer. 

Glasses can be purchased and dropped off in the collection box in the foyer of Calvary Baptist Church or sent to us directly at 515 Euclid Ave. Hannibal, MO 63401. 

Make sure to purchase a variety of strengths.

"Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keeps the law, happy is he." Proverbs 29:18 KJV

Thanks for helping us give the gift of lasting vision!

The Humiston and McSmith Families