We have some super exciting/crazy news to share!
If you read this blog you know that last year in April I traveled to West Africa with a team from Pioneer Bible Translators to do a VBS for missionary children there. I was part of a team that put on a spiritual retreat for the missionaries. It rocked my world and changed the course of our adoption journey. Since then we've been on a journey to adopt from this country without an established program.
We had been hoping to travel in late spring/early summer to go get our son. However, as is usually the case things are moving slower than we had hoped. This is due to lots of reasons, but the week of Valentine's day God finally brought me around to the reality that I needed to adjust my heart to the idea that we wouldn't be experiencing all the things we do in the summer as a family of 6. Between baking, frosting, and delivery a billion cupcakes I was a crazy emotional mess inside and spent lots of hours laying awake at night seeking the Lord to quiet my heart.
During one of these late night talks I thought the Lord prompted my heart to remember the team that was going in April and that we had originally been asked to join them. To be honest, I didn't really even pray about that opportunity. I simply declined because I thought we would be traveling soon to get our son. So I asked Jeremy if he would pray with me about going in April to minister and meet our son. This was on Valentine's Day. (between him puking his guts out :) I'm not very patient, remember? I simply couldn't wait to share with him all that was churning in my heart.
He agreed to pray about it. We labored over this decision. At first, I wanted to go see my son so bad I felt desperate. I wanted to go visit my missionary friends I missed. I wanted to join my team members again. I simply wanted to go...really... really....really bad. I felt so immature spiritually that I wanted to go more than I felt like I wanted to listen for God's direction. And so I BEGGED God to change my heart. And dear friends interceded on my behalf. I knew God knew the desire's of my mama heart. But, I wanted to desire obedience above my own selfish desires.
And eventually God answered. I came to a place where I was okay with staying home. I truly wanted to follow the Lord. After praying I felt like it was best to let Jeremy lead and make the decision. And he wrestled big time with what to do. We realize that the idea of both of us traveling to Africa in a year is pretty crazy. And its not like we have an extra $5,000 laying around to pay for it either. And that would mean leaving our precious children here not once but twice. And And then there was the reality that we would have the blessing of meeting our fourth child only to have to say goodbye again. All of this was heavy on our hearts.
It's been exactly one month since I first pitched my "crazy" idea to Jeremy. And its been a roller coaster ride to say the least.
I never felt like God asked us to go and we had to obey. (This is definitely what he said last year.) It was more like my heart felt he said, "I am willing to bless you with this if you are willing to trust me and step out in faith. I can use this trip to increase your faith." And so we began to see if the doors would open. And they have. And so we are juggling the logistics of both of us traveling to Africa in about a month. And making plans so we can bless those beloved missionaries & their children's socks off. And trying to prepare our hearts for the moment we've been anticipating, meeting our son David.
Crazy!
One of the hardest parts of this decision for us was the look on peoples faces when we began to share the idea of us taking this trip. In our hearts we thought some people might be thinking...
How can you spend the money when you will still bring David home before the end of 2013?
How can you go visit him and then leave without him?
How will this affect the money you still have left to raise to bring David home?
How will this trip affect your biological children left at home?
And truth be told we really don't have answers to these tough questions. We can't see with our earthly eyes how this will all come together. We are committing to do something that we can't do alone. If God doesn't come through we will look like fools. That's terrifying. That's exciting. And for us that is what faith looks like. And we are praying that faith in action will leave a lasting gift with our children that out weighs the sacrifice of sharing their daddy and mama more.
The missionaries we hope to bless are so worth it. Our son is so worth it. And the glory we are hoping it will bring to God when we accomplish something only he can do is most definitely worth it.
