Dear New Mama,
-You will survive breastfeeding. There will be tears. But your sheer determination and frugality will win. You will successfully breastfeed three children through their first year of life. (And bonus it will burn tons of calories!)
-You will sleep again...eventually. You think you can't survive sleep deprivation because you have always required a lot of sleep. It will be hard. Their will be nights when its time to go to bed and you will feel like you need to be ready to run a marathon because your second "day" is just beginning. You will be exhausted. But your husband will help and before you know it you will have to get up for a bad dream or a puking child and you will realize how out of practice at the night shift you are.
-You were so afraid of your body completely falling apart and never working again after your amazing (insert total sarcasm here) birthing classes. Well, that was only half true. Your body will never be the same. You will bear the mark of childbirth on your body for all your days. But, you will heal. You will loose the weight (from all 3 babies!) and your husband will still think you are beautiful.
-You will gain confidence. And you will be unsure all over again. In the beginning you will be petrified to give your child a pacifier before its recommended or to make baby food without a recipe. (Yes, I seriously thought I needed more instructions that puree cooked veggies and fruit.) But, with hours of motherhood experience and each child you will gain more confidence in your mama style. You will teach your babies to sleep in their beds. You will conquer baby food making. You will let you baby boy suck his thumb and be confident enough to know it was what you had to do to survive. But your babies will grow, and you will be unsure all over again. As you navigate first days of school, homework, and girl drama you will recognize you still have so much to learn. The best advice- just take it one step at a time.
-You will discover how divisive this mothering thing can be. Breastfed or bottle. Sleeping on the back or (gasp) ignoring those hospital warning videos and sleeping on the tummy. Starting food at 4 months or 6 months. Attachment parenting vs. the Baby Wise schedule. Staying home or working. Time outs or spankings. Homeschool or public school. Activities vs. family time. And you will learn not to judge. When you see a toddler melting down in a store you will no longer think, "Oh, my word!" Instead you will whisper a prayer for that mother instead of thanking God it isn't your child. Because there will be days it is your child. You will learn there isn't one right way. And you will be able to embrace mothers doing what works for them.
-You hate being alone. That will change. You will discover a moment or two a day where you are by yourself and no one needs you can be a well deserved blessing.
-You will discover that parenting is super hard. You will realize what you desperately need is not a book or a method or even a break. What you desperately need is the Holy Spirit to produce fruit in you.
-You will learn to embrace the kids God gave you and not the kids you dreamed of. Because lets be honest who dreams of realistic kids anyway? God will challenge you to accept that your kids aren't necessarily ones that would be labeled "easy." You will think you've learned this lesson. And then you will have to learn it all over again and again as you struggle to give up the perfect family facade you desperately want to hold on to. You will cling to the truth that what your kids need is Jesus and not a certain personality type. You will be committed to seeing their unique bent and helping that flourish, even when you don't think you will survive their strong-willed personality (on steroids).
-You will promise yourself that you will NEVER say to a young overtired, stressed out mother in the grocery store, "Cherish EVERY moment. They grow up so fast." Because her life doesn't seem like a Hallmark movie right now and it certainly doesn't seem like its going by fast. You realize now no one EVER cherished the puking or the sleepless nights. They have just forgot about them. All they remember now is the snuggles and the smiles. And someday you will miss those too.
-You will never see things the same way again....ever. You will never watch a movie and have the credits roll without seeing your kids having a dance party, you will never see a red plate without seeing a celebrated spelling test, you will never eat a cupcake without seeing God's provision, you will never see shaped pancakes and big Saturday morning breakfasts without remembering these littles and the ways they have changed your life forever.
Love,
The Mama, 8 years 7 months
Wondering what I will write to myself in another 8 years...Grace will have her driver's license.
I think I had better take my own advice and take it one day at a time.
