Silent Night

I'm sure most of you have seen one of these.

They are running around craft shows, and Pinterest boards, and Etsy shops. I thought it might be fun to make my own version into a blog post and call it our Christmas letter for 2015.

In This Family...

We do crazy.
This past year we discovered our family's photography sweet spot- the silly "outtake" shot. I have discovered my kids will cooperate through a photo session for this one simple promise, "We can do a crazy one at the end if you smile one billion times first." And anyone who is brave enough to call our cell phones (there is a reason I prefer written communication) knows that crazy is the space we call home. If you don't believe me you probably don't actually know us. For example, this year one of our children earned the nickname "the wet bandit" when he flooded our home while we were gone on a date night. (Unfortunately this is a true story that was very unfunny at the time. But we've come to survive on the sentiment, "If its going to be funny later it might as well be funny now.")

We do mess ups and I'm sorry's.
I mean lets be honest, doesn't every family? No perfect here. We do our share of "practicing self control" (formerly known as a "time out") for both our kids and ourselves. And while we feel somedays like we pound first time obedience into the ground, we are pretty sure God could say the same thing about us parents too. Obedience was our "word" for 2015 and its a tough one for both the big and small people who call this family their own.

We do helpful.
We could list the things we don't do well, but that wouldn't make a very good Christmas letter now would it? One thing we are pretty sure our kids could tell you is that in this family we help. We have a fancy family motto, "Humiston's are helpers." (Don't you wish your last name started with an H too?) Don't worry the motto is much more popular when it involves helping other people and isn't being applied to helping your sibling clean your room.

We do loud. Really well.
I'm pretty sure if you know us, or have spent any amount of time with us, or especially if you sit near our pew at church you know this to be true. We are not a quiet crew. We like to talk. And wiggle. And make noise. I'm on a journey to embrace it. I still break out the "Mama needs a little quiet," every now and then but for the most part we are who we are and I'm pretty sure we have extroverted down.

We do dinner around the table.
We like to eat. And we love to share food. There is always room around our table. At least figuratively anyway. Wether its a houseful of our friends (who have like a billion kids when we get together these days) or our hungry college students there is always plenty of good food to eat.

We do messy like nobody's business.
We have four kids. I feel like that is all I really need to say. Your house is messy too. Someday we will miss this...right? (I'm going to be honest I'm not really convinced on this sentiment, but it is a popular one.)

We do laughter.
We have a few giggle boxes who live here. I almost broke my leg on a "trap" Titus set for me one night when I was gone. My kids think they could write a joke book. They can make anything into a knock knock joke. And the laughter is what I hope never stops, but when it fades to a dull roar I will most definitely miss that someday. (When I'm not missing the mess, insert tiny eye roll here)

We do camping, road tripping, and good old memory making.
We love to camp. My kids ask when family camp is before school is even out for summer. (Its Labor Day Weekend...when summer is over.) This year we took a true road trip. It was a blast. We fulfilled a 10+ year goal to go to the Georgia Aquarium in Atlanta. The pictures don't do the fun memories made justice. And we might have temporarily lost David. Now there is a good story of the memory making variety.

We do traditions.
We recently had to make a list of things we love about our family. One of the things the kids said was, "traditions." My husband now knows he has failed and I have successfully brainwashed our children into my idea of what makes this Humiston nation great. We have traditions for all sorts of things. We have dance parties during the movie credit music. We have our own holiday. We have special Christmas ornaments and Gotcha day celebrations and things we "always" do. I love it. And I'm pretty sure my husband secretly does to. (Well most of it anyway.)

We do sharing.
I'm pretty sure our family has reached the size where it is no longer an optional experience to share. Thank you little yellow house, what hasn't killed us yet is making us stronger. I really do think if God ever moves us to a larger living space we will miss the days we were all crammed in together.

We do hard transitions and unexpected blessings.
This year brought a few transitions for us to navigate. One of them has been Jeremy changing jobs and working the night shift. Its been hard at times, but mostly its been blessed. We love our batman leader who saves the world at night and sleeps during the day. He sounds most impressive when seen through the eyes of one of our children who was asked, "What does your dad do?" To which said child replied, "He sleeps." For me the most unexpected blessing of the year has been running. It has been like a good gift I didn't know I needed. Running & training with a group of other moms has been one of my favorite parts of this past year. (And that is a sentence I NEVER thought I would type!)

We do love.
Because even though we sound fancy in a Christmas letter, most of the time we resemble a hot mess more than having it all together. And so we are banking on 1 Peter 4:8 to be true. "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins."

But we don't do simple.
Our other family motto is, "We don't do simple." It started as a funny way to express our sometimes complicated life with four children and two five year olds! We've had fun on Facebook over the past year using this phrase to describe our days. For example, "We don't do simple, we do stitches." But it holds a lot of truth too. Belonging to Jesus has made our life complicated in the very best way. We don't have permission to just sit around caring about only us. Immanuel. He came to the mess, and put on flesh. And so we too are called into the mess of life. The complicated. Our prayer this year as a family has been that we would "love well and share Jesus."

We don't do simple, but we do share our Savior.

Wishing you a very merry Christmas from our entire crazy crew to yours!

Photo Credit: Creative Touch Photography

Why We Go Back

I'm home from West Africa.

I've actually been home 16 days. Its good to be here. My kids were sick with fevers, my husband transitioned to working the night shift, there was pink eye...again. It was time for this side of the ocean to have me back.  And my mama heart was so ready to love on my sick kids and give my absolutely amazing (and exhausted) husband a break.

I've kicked the jet lag and now I'm waiting for my heart to catch up.  Because as much as I loved coming home, its hard too. And it has caught me off guard that its hard.

Can you really have reentry stress when you are only gone 10 days to a place you've been before? 

Apparently if you are me you can. Don't get me wrong in some ways its definitely "easier." The sights, sounds, and smells of the Big Mango have become familiar to me. I've been enough times to expect something to go wrong, to anticipate the heat, and to find the lack of electricity normal.

So what makes going back so hard?

Its the return to the convenient life when I still remember a whole lot of people have never lived it and that our missionaries are struggling to live without it when most of them have grown up with it.

(Did you know there is a refrigerated food section...in the PET FOOD?! This almost did me in at Walmart yesterday.)

Its the lack of ability to articulate a story when people ask, "How was your trip?" Because its not as sensational as the first time even though it rocked your world, but in a very different way. The kind of way that sometimes takes a bit to process.

Its the heartbreak of leaving people and a place you are falling deeper in love with each time you visit and not knowing a date on the calendar when it will be your turn to go back.

Its your body operating in the day to day, while you heart is still thinking about the kids in the orphanage and their need for forever families. So in between refereeing sibling squabbles and trying to find the missing book bag you are trying to figure out just exactly how God wants you to be a part of it all.

So if its hard why do we go back? What makes it absolutely totally worth it?

We are learning how to be our very best at blessing those on the field.

Each trip I learn what these sweet people miss. For some its chocolate. For others its berries. And coffee, good coffee is in high demand. The first year I had to guess and ask and I'm still learning but I'm getting better at just being able to bless.

We are watching these kiddos grow up.

(B & I in 2012)

(B & I in 2015)

I've never been, or raised a missionary kid. But I've tried to read up and I have LOTS of friends who fall in this category. MK's spend a lot of their life saying goodbye, often to people they don't know if/when they will see them again. I love being able to say, "We'll be back."

We remember in our house daily there are those still waiting for a family or living out a life where they will remain in the orphanage long term.

Visiting helps us to know whats going on at the orphanage. What kids need families so we can advocate. What their physical needs are as they care for the least of these on our behalf. 

So we can send needed items.

 And we can raise money for rice. (Stay tuned on that one..hint hint)

It allows us to invest in the word of God going forth in West Africa indirectly but in a much needed way.

We aren't the ones doing the Jesus sharing with nationals. Almost all of our time is spent with expatriates. Primarily through a VBS for missionary kids. And we are good with that. Because I'm not as well equipped to do the ministering. I don't have cultural context. Or street cred. Or language skills. But my missionary friends do. Getting on the field there takes a LONG time. Its a multistep process. Staying can be complicated. So if we can encourage and bless them and in any way help them to keep going that is a worthy investment. 

There is a lot of debate in the missions community about short term missions. Some love it. (Mostly those who go short term.) Some hate it. (Mostly those who stay long term and see the damage that can be done.) 

**Random Side Note: If you would like a super comedic look at what I'm referring to check out THIS video.

Around here we have found our place in an unknown land called long term short term missions. 

(My husband likes to say our family motto is, "We don't do simple.") 

Investing long term in West Africa through regular short term trips. 

And even though my heart is still trying to sort it all out. And sometimes its hard to go back and forth between our two worlds. 

For us its totally worth it. 

A Legacy of Hospitality

Sonny & Betty Litwiller- A Living Example of Hospitality

During my internship at Jefferson Street Christian Church I had the privilege of living in the basement apartment of Sonny & Betty Litwiller's home. It was a time that blessed me deeply and left a lasting impression on my life. Below are the words I was able to share at Betty's celebration of life service this past weekend.

I remember that house, that was many people’s home.

I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who used their house as a place of ministry better than Sonny & Betty Litwiller. You were welcome to move in and make yourself at home. And they never expected a dime, just a good conversation now and again when you passed through. The only thing they wouldn’t put up with was not becoming a part of the family.

I remember the food.

Betty made sure that anyone who visited her home, or who lived there for that matter was well fed. I didn’t know you could fry a pumpkin blossom till I met Betty. But she insisted I give it a try. I hadn’t heard of peach cream pie either, but it was one Betty always loved to make. She was never short on teapots, which we used to throw a tea party for her granddaughters along with fancy hats and food. And of course one of my strongest memories is making apple butter around the kettle in their garage. While you ate a hot dog or visited with friends they would stir up something you weren’t soon to forget. And of course everyone got some to take home.

I remember laughter. Chances are you too remember a funny story about Betty.

While I was living with the Litwiller’s my husband Jeremy asked me to marry him. So he got to join the family too. Betty of course hosted a shower for me in that same house I had grown to love. And then her and Sonny traveled to our wedding. I still giggle thinking about the mishap she had. Somehow she dropped her camera in the toilet. She never could revive her camera, and boy was she disappointed to loose those pictures. And of course they had to wrap up the “gag” gift that had been rotating around their friend group and give it to us as a wedding gift. Weren’t we lucky!

Her and Sonny were never short on their practical joking. Sonny had this rubber alligator he used to hide all over to be ornery to me. I’d find it in my bed, swinging from the door, or stuck in one of my drawers. I hadn’t forgotten the alligator. When Sonny passed away Betty packaged it up and sent it to me. I’m not sure I’ve laughed more when opening a package. Betty was thoughtful like that. Sharing fun memories, even as she grieved her loss so deeply.

Every time my kids have played with it I’ve thought of them. My kids know to be gentle with it because it belonged to someone mommy loved. Just a few weeks ago I was telling Jeremy I wanted to send it back to Betty. Her tone had sounded much sadder than usual in her Christmas card. I knew she was missing Sonny. What a joy it is to think of them together. No doubt enjoying sweet laughter again.

Many of you got to experience a lifetime of memories with Betty. Even though I only lived with the Litwiller’s for about six months it seemed like much longer. My husband and I often dream of a house in the future chosen with intentionality. Not so we can have lots of space or store lots of things. But a place where we can live out the type of service we saw modeled in Sonny & Betty. That desire has taken root in our lives and it was planted as a seed when I saw it lived out in Betty. Her genuine hospitality left a lasting impression on my life, and I’d venture to guess the lives of many others who stayed with them over the years. 

1 Peter 4:8-10 says, “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.”

I have never met anyone who was a living breathing example of that scripture more than Betty Litwiller. 

Webster defines hospitality as generous and friendly treatment of visitors and guests.

That was Betty. Generous. Friendly. Keeper of a house where guests were always welcome.

And I’m planning on staying in her “basement” again someday because I have no doubt the Lord had a special place prepared for her because of the hope she had in Him. I can’t wait to visit, and I might just bring my alligator! 

These Things I Remember

I've been sorting through my heart. In 32 days I leave for West Africa.

When I come back from WA my perspective is so different.

I am overwhelmed as I attempt to shop at the Wal-Mart.
So much stuff.
Stuff that is simply cluttering our lives while people are starving to death.

I am overwhelmed with the church on every corner.
So many corners.
Churches that pass back and forth members while people around the globe wait for the word of God.

I am overwhelmed by being surrounded by the blessing of family.
Family gatherings full of memories to be made and love to be received.
And yet so many wait, with no one to call their own.

I am overwhelmed as I turn on my faucet, use my washing machine, and take my kids to the doctor.
So convenient. So easy.
Ease while so much of the world struggles without clean water and sufficient medical care.

Its been over a year since I've gotten on a plane, touched down in the red dirt, and had the heat hit my face like a wall. And I'm itching to get my feet back on West African soil.

To encourage missionaries. To hold orphans. To begin again to see the world through a different lens.

Because I need to remember.

I need to be overwhelmed.

And yet a part of me dreads the remembering.

What will I come back and see so differently this time?

In what new way will the Lord ask me to live simply so that others can simply live?

What will end up looking like nonsense because I remember that not everyone lives like I do?

This year God is teaching me the intricate link between obedience and sacrifice.

And I wonder what is ahead.

And the Lord keeps bringing these lyrics to my mind.

Chris Tomlin - I Lift My Hands (Official Music Video) from chris-tomlin on GodTube.

"I lift my hands to believe again. You are my refuge, you are my strength. As I pour out my heart, these things I remember. You are faithful God forever."

Because while its good to remember the realities of our fallen world its even better to remember them in light of who God is.

Let faith arise. Open my eyes. Let faith arise.

While people say to me all day long, “Where is your God?” These things I remember as I pour out my soul: how I used to go to the house of God under the protection of the Mighty One with shouts of joy and praise among the festive throng. Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.
Psalm 42:3-5

Why I Don't Read Parenting Books

I am currently reading like 8 books.

With the advent of the Kindle in my life I can read a whole bunch of books at once, which I really love. I like to bounce around because I tend to read books in categories.

So I'm guessing your dying of curiosity about what 8 books I'm reading.

(Well, try and play along at least!)

Mary Slessor: Forward into Calabar 
The only real paper book I'm currently reading. (A book with paper. What is that?)
I am reading it at the insistence of my friend Heather and loving it. We not only "twins" but also have very similar taste in reading. It's about a fiery woman from Scotland who was a missionary in Nigeria in 1876.
Category:For Fun/Favorite (I have a secret love of missionary biographies.)

You and Me Forever:Marriage in Light of Eternity
Still processing this one. Interesting thoughts on the purpose of marriage. Like anything from Chan its challenging. So I like to read it a chapter at a time and leave it be.
Category:Marriage

Beyond Ordinary:When A Good Marriage Just Isn't Good Enough
Jeremy and I are reading this book together and doing the discussion questions. So far its brought great discussion. It's a memoir which is my brand new favorite type of book to read. We have tried lots of times to read books together but I usually get impatient and go on ahead. But, we've found with my new Kindle read a bunch of books at once style this is now much easier.  (The Kindle and the GPS have basically solved all our marriage problems. Hooray technology!)
Category:Marriage Memoir

Between Worlds: Essays on Culture & Belonging
God has called us to encourage the missionary population. But we've never been a live across the pond missionary. So I started reading a blog called A Life Oversees. I love it. I've learned so much. From it I found this book. Again, its a memoir which to me feels like laid back learning. I like that.
Category:Missions Memoir

Third Culture Kids:Growing Up Among Worlds
Among the missionary population God has given me an opportunity to love and teach missionary kids. I am going to get to do that in April in West Africa. I want to love well, so I'm trying to learn. This book has literally been on my to read list since I went to Africa in 2012.
Category:Missions

When Helping Hurts:Howto Alleviate Poverty Without Hurting the Poor...and Yourself
I've tried to listen to this audio book like 500 times. But, its not that kind of book. I need to read and absorb and really think. So, I'm starting again. This book is another one God has made it pretty clear I need to read for my ministry to be affective. I have so much to learn.
Category:Ministry

The Excellent Wife:A Biblical Perspective
I read part of this book and then got distracted. But I loved what I read so I'm revisiting it. The downside to the Kindle is I kind of can get reading ADD and accidentally forget a great book. Especially if my kids have had the Kindle and my "recent" books aren't actually the books I'm reading.
Category:Marriage/Wife

The Boys in the Boat:Nine Americans and Their Epic Quest for Gold at the 1936 Berlin Olympics
I honestly have no idea why I'm reading this book. Its historical (which I kind of hate...sorry) I saw it on Amazon and everyone thought it was the best book ever and it was on a deal for like $3 and for some reason I bought it. It was kind of impulsive and not like me. But, I do kind of like to read random books.
Category:I think I had a crazy moment?!

There you go. Your Welcome.

So.

Why is this post entitled, "Why I Don't Read Parenting Books."?

Great question.

I am going to acknowledge it. I've kind of been on hiatus from reading parenting books.

I used to always try to be reading a marriage book and a parenting book.

But truth be told if the parenting books were sitting on the shelf instead of inside my Kindle they'd be gathering dust. Actually I'm pretty sure I still have a book I bought at Hearts at Home (gasp) two years ago I've yet to power through.

So what is the deal?

Parenting books stress me out.

And if those aren't scary enough try reading an adoptive parenting book.

Not for the faint of heart.

Like if I never wanted to go to bed at night then that is what I should be reading.

If I am really honest (which I try and be around here) Jeremy and I are struggling with the idea that we aren't very good parents. Even though we really really want to be good parents.

We aren't patient enough. We don't pray enough. We feel tired. A lot.

Jen Hatmaker likes to say there are sweet families and spicy families.

I'm pretty sure we fall into the spicy category.

Yep. Spicy (or maybe crazy) it is.

We aren't good at being quiet, sitting still, or following directions.

We've got enough strong will in this crew to move a mountain.

And so we kind of feel like we are messing up our kids. Even though we know the truth is that they came with the messed up part all built in. Its called sin.

The other day I felt like God gave us a break through moment.

We've been trying to sit on our couch at night and read this super short devotional book before praying together.

Please don't be impressed by our holiness. This is new. So new the book hasn't even got lost yet. We got the book for Christmas and the first day we read was February 24th.

We decided to go ahead and read the day of the date is actually was.

Good choice.

The day's title was All-Out Parenting.

It had you rate your parenting from 1-10 in the following areas
-Radical Selflessness: Do I die to self?
-Radical Objectives: Am I concerned with IQ or CQ (character quotient)
-Radical Modeling: Do I model?
-Radical Involvement: Do I hug, read, affirm, discuss?
-Radical Expectations: Do I challenge my kids with the Great Commandment & the Great Commission?

And as we went through the list and honestly rated ourselves we realized we actually weren't failing.

Major break through moment.

Too often when we think we are failing its because we are basing how we are doing on our kid's behavior.

I only know one perfect parent. And if you rated his "parenthood" on his children's behavior even He would look like a failure.

So maybe my quest needs to be more about being like Him and less about worrying if my kids are making me look bad.

Ouch.

Maybe its time to break out the parenting books again. Or maybe I just need to keep reading my Bible. Its the best parenting book I've ever read.

So what have you been reading? What parenting book should I be brave and read?

I love recommendations.


p.s. I realized that truth be told I technically am reading one "parenting" book right now. It's called Mom Enough and its free! Its the book that had me weeping on my bedroom floor in the middle of the night. (So maybe I shouldn't break my rule, huh?) I forgot about it because its in that weird "Docs" section of my Kindle instead of with the books. But it was free so who cares! The fact that its really a collection of blog posts and this quote is why I read it, "Somehow in God's mathematics of grace: Mom (never enough) + God (infinitely enough) = Mom enough. Never mom enough, but filled with the One who is always enough."

For the Love of Overpriced Blueberries

Recently one of my dear friends spoke some good truth to me. We were chatting about a crazy status update she had shared about a day in the life of her motherhood. You know the kind. The one where this happens. And this happens. And then this breaks. And then this person pukes. And you just have to share so everyone can give you some solidarity sister.

I had one of those days the other day when I was doing an errand marathon trying to get ready for two of my children's birthday parties.

You know what I mean. We'd been to the bank. And Dollar General. And Wal-Mart. And then Aldi.  And it was bordering on 1:30 and no one had eaten a bit of lunch but I felt the need to power through.

I have said the following statement more times than I can count.

"I will no longer go grocery shopping with both boys."

(Thing 1 & Thing 2)

And yet "like a dog to its vomit" (Ew? What a gross Bible verse right?) I end up in a pinch and there I am crying for mercy as I drive home from said shopping experience sans 4 year old number one and 4 year old number two shoving lime tortilla chips in my face and calling it lunch.

(Don't worry I shared with Thing 1 and Thing 2)

On this particular trip I of course had a list of "must have" items as I was trying to party plan. Which means I was trying to juggle keeping the boys from destroying the store and checking everything off my list.

Yes, I know this is a recipe for a disaster. But, it is also the great material for this blogpost. So at least my mistake wasn't wasted, right?

Towards the middle of aisle 3 I realized there was a package of blueberries in our cart.

What? Where did those come from?

I only buy the produce on sale. It makes our budget work. I knew I hadn't chosen these lovely blueberries because they weren't on sale that week.

I'm pretty sure that was the work of precious (and apparently hungry) Thing 2.

At this point we had already made it to the check out line so I decided to go with it and silently offered up a prayer that said not-on-sale blueberries would be under $3.

And with that we began the daunting task of unloading our fairly full cart. With expert help of course from Thing 1 and Thing 2. About half way through I hear the following, "Oh, no! Mama the blueberries are falling."

You guessed it the overpriced not on sale blueberries had mysteriously (Or not so mysteriously since my helpers were hungry) come open and were spilling out into the cart and through the holes of the cart onto the floor. Everywhere. So, I did what any frugal mama would do and I started picking them up and putting them back in the carton.

Off the grocery store floor. (Calm down they came out of a field and I did intend to wash them.)

While the boys started "helping" by trying to move the cart a.k.a. smash a bunch of blueberries.

I finally picked up all the blueberries including the precious smashed ones that I sadly threw away. While putting the carton onto the conveyor I might or might not have said for everyone around to hear, "God is going to develop the patience of a Saint in me by the time I get you boys raised."

I wish this was the end of the story.

We arrive at our car and I am silently praising God that we have made it to the finish line and I can buckle the boys in their car seats while I unload the groceries into our van in silent freezing peace.

That is when Thing 1 looks up at me and says the following.

"Mama I put my yogurt in my pocket. And you forgot to pay for it."

Have mercy.

At which time we returned to the warmth of the Aldi (or was that my blood pressure providing the heat?) to pay for the $.44 yogurt.

Take 2 on the finish line. I buckle the boys into their car seat and actually arrive at the peace and quiet of loading our groceries into the back of the van. Only to realize that the star of this story the BLUEBERRIES have made a reappearance. They have apparently came open AGAIN and have left a trail all over the parking lot.

Now I know you are wondering two things.

1- Did I pick them up? No, even I have a limit in frugality/patience.

2-How much did they cost? Praise the Lord they were indeed under $3. I believe I paid $2.38 for the less than 1/2 a carton that made it to our house.

But Thing 1 & Thing 2 did enjoy them, and I am pretty sure I remembered to wash them.
(Breathe....I washed them.)

And if I'm being honest more of my days look like this than I'd like to admit. And though they make me laugh now, at the time I thought I might not survive. (I can be dramatic) Or at least not with my patient mama facade in place for sure!

But here is the great truth my friend shared while we were talking about her own adventurous shopping trip with littles.

She said, "But really couldn't most moms of little ones make a status update like that every day? That is just kind of life with kids."

I needed to hear that because I sometimes believe the lie that only my life is a running source of material for Mom's Night Out 2. I think other mom's lives are much more chaos free. But I'm guessing so many moms wouldn't have loved the first movie if they couldn't relate.

Maybe I'm not the only mom who has caved and paid for over-priced half gone blueberries.

I recently finished a Bible study by Kelly Minter. This quote felt like it was penned just for me. For my motherhood. For my ministry. For my undone laundry and in desperate need of a mop floors.

"God shows up in our reality. He shows up in our weakness. His eyes are not running across the earth looking for the woman who lives in a  romantic movie set of perfection. He is looking for the real, the weak, and the one who conceded need for Him. And how thankful I am."

Real? Check.

Weak? Check Check.

In Need of Him. Check. Check. Check.

I guess his eyes are looking for me.

May he find me up to my eyeballs in spilled blueberries conceding my weakness and asking Him to make it my strength. (possibly while I thank him for lime tortilla ships :)

My Post Adoption Split Personality

Today I answer the BIG question people have been asking.

Will spring ever come?

Oh, wait I don't know the answer to that one. Let's try again.

Will we adopt again?

I know! That is a good one right?

The answer I have depends on the day.

Most days I look at my son and I see the miracle that God has placed in our life. A living breathing reminder of His sovereignty, His grace, His goodness. I think about the extreme transformation that has happened in David's life and I am in awe. He has adapted like the survivor that he is. He can speak fluent English. He is quickly catching up on skills like cutting, counting, and problem solving. He is hilarious. His smile lights up a room and his songs fill our ears.

He is a brother.

A son.

He is absolutely precious.

And I think how can we NOT do this again?

We have learned so much.

I mean look at us-don't we look amazingly blessed?
(Partly due to the miracle of great editing)

And I am over the moon thrilled.

This family picture is like the answer to a thousand prayers hanging on my wall.

My sister and mom took these pictures as my birthday gift this year. They are so amazing, and we are so blessed to have access to such amazing photography. (that we totally couldn't afford otherwise!)

And then my sister surprised me with a huge canvas for my Christmas gift. Its really big. But it just seems so fitting and perfect. Because having David home and in our family is a HUGE deal. A miracle we weren't even sure was possible.

So why the split personality?

Because these feelings of awe are the way I feel most days on a good week.

But lets be honest we have our days.

Days like today when said miracle dumps half a bottle of cologne on his head when using the bathroom.

When he writes all over the hard wood floors with permanent marker while your trying to fix big sister's hair for her concert that you can't go to because another sister has pink eye in both eyes and the hubs in working the late shift.

(Thank the Lord for magic erasers, a Gramy who can go to concerts and modern medicine. Can I get a mama amen out there?!)

When half the bath water (remember the cologne) is flooding your bathroom while you are trying to read with the sister with pink eye.

And it reeks of cologne. And your floor is covered in pieces of a disintegrating magic eraser from its popular use as of late. And your bathroom is flooded. And your husband is working hard and you are sending up the desperate prayers. And this day is so far from the one you planned on having.

And all I can think is how in the world do people do this more than once? How do they have a precious brood of grafted in little ones without their house falling apart?

And then Satan begins to spin the lies. Its just you. You aren't enough. Your home is chaotic. Your kids are crazy. You aren't worthy of the ones you have let alone the ones you still may want.

And here I sit with my post adoption split personality.

Because I'm finding again that motherhood, all motherhood, is about giving it up and letting it go.

And with each child we've added to our family I've had to let go. Let go of my pre-pregnancy body, of my uninterrupted night's sleep, of going to the bathroom by myself, of organized toys, of puzzles with all the pieces, of daughter's with fixed hair, and sons with shoes on the right feet, of holding it all together and of worrying about what other people think when I definitely don't hold it all together.

(Well, I'm trying on that last one. I thought that was supposed to come with your 30's but I'm a late bloomer so maybe by 40 I'll finally give the people pleasing a rest.)

So remember the huge canvas of our family photo? Up until this week it was still sitting in its protective cardboard box.

Because as you can tell from the above description of our day pretty things need protection around here.  And because truth be told I just couldn't find a spot on my wall where it fit.

(Yeah, its the end of February and we are just now finding places for all our Christmas gifts. Your judging. I'm trying not to care, remember?)

Until this week. I found the perfect spot. My little white box. Remember this?

It was still hanging on my wall untouched. Because I kind of get attached to photos on my wall of my babies when they were little and I hate to update them.

But, I knew this was the perfect spot.

And it was.

Because I had to let go of the old to find room for the new.

And for me so much of motherhood is learning to let it go and being willing to let God redefine.

So in a few years will I be taking this photo down to hang a new one of the Humiston family seven strong with more than one little set of dark eyes?

I have no idea.

I know that mothering this crazy crew has left me sobbing on the floor of my bedroom in the middle of the night while my husband sleeps. Begging God to make me see. See the truth that he has ordained me to be their mama and he didn't make a mistake despite the marker on the floor, and the dents in the drywall, and the repenting again and again for harsh words spoken in exasperation instead of love.

But I'm no longer just desperate for an orderly life.

I've become more desperate for the Holy Spirit to develop His fruit in me than any other thing I've ever done. And I wouldn't trade that or my four precious kiddos for anything.

This quote from a blogpost of an adoptive mama pretty much sums up my feelings on the question at hand.

"I'm not going to say our family feels "complete" now. Our family feels FULL but our commitment to going where God leads remains...and it may lead to creating more space in our home and our hearts for kids who need it."

And I know that isn't really an answer, but its my heart.

He Sets The Lonely in Families

In April of 2012 my feet touched down on West African soil for the first time. I thought I was there to do a VBS for missionary kids. And I was. And it has changed my life. 

I also went to an orphanage for the first time...and met my SON (although I didn't know he would be my son at the time!) 

But he wasn't the only kiddo that caught my heart's attention. 

I also met a sweet little girl named Dorcas. 

Today I'd like to introduce you to her. 

Look how little she was the first time I met her?!

April 2012

April 2013

2014/2015

Eating pizza!

Trying a hamburger.

Fun at the swimming pool.

Pete & Amy Riley

Dorcas is determined. I've seen her with the help of her friends at the orphanage ride a tricycle.

Dorcas is a beautiful child of God. Her smile literally lights up the room.

Dorcas is an overcomer. She has been "diagnosed" with CP. However, she doesn't let that stop her too much. Since we met her she has received a walker and learned to get around very well with it. Recently, through the help of therapy (done by an amazing volunteer missionary) she has began to learn to walk unaided. We can't imagine what she could do with professional focused therapy!

 Dorcas loves to be loved.

Dorcas needs a family.

I have to confess I put off writing this post. I am a detail person. I wanted the perfect set of pictures and description of what her skills are and her prognosis is. I wasn't sure exactly how to advocate for this precious girl. So this year our family began praying on a daily basis for Dorcas to find a family. And the Lord has burdening my heart like crazy. And so I write. Do I have all the "answers" to what life with Dorcas will look like for a family? No. But, I am confident her forever family is out there. 

Could it be you? Could it be a friend of yours who has a heart for children with special needs? Your friends who have been looking to adopt an older child? 

Dorcas is currently living in an orphanage setting. She has the amazing blessing of a missionary family (The Rileys) who are investing in her while she waits for you. They are paving the way for her to have a family by taking her swimming (fun therapy), doings exercises, exposing her to American food, taking her places outside the orphanage walls, and pouring love and affection on her. (and photographing/videoing it all for you to have!)

But, this is not a forever family. It breaks my heart that she has been waiting this long. What have I been so busy doing that I haven't written this post before? Why did I think I had to have advocacy all figured out before I began? No more.

The Lord has challenged me to do more. I am starting a fund for Dorcas. Many of you know my cupcake business Sweet 2 the Soul began as a way to bring David home. I have continued to bake and give half of everything I make to missions. For the next six months half of everything I make will go into a fund for Dorcas' future family towards their adoption expenses. 

If you'd like to hear more about what an amazing little girl Dorcas is and what day to day life with her might look like I'd be happy to put you in touch with Amy Riley. If you have questions about how to adopt from her country we've done it and would be happy to help you on that end. 

What can YOU do?

-Pray and ask God if you could be the family God has been waiting for to step out in faith and adopt Dorcas. If you are certain that isn't you then please begin praying for her forever family to be found.

-Share this post with your prayer warrior friends, your heart for adoption friends, your special needs friends. 

-Give. If God leads you to be a part of this little girl's journey I'd be happy to add your contribution to her adoption fund. You can Paypal the funds to hummy25@hotmail.com. 

Or checks can be sent to:

515 Euclid Ave

Hannibal, MO 63401

We will make sure they get to her.

I can be contacted at jenniferhumiston@hotmail.com or through Facebook. 

"God sets the lonely in families." Psalm 68:6 Will you pray this promise for Dorcas right now?