I've actually been home 16 days. Its good to be here. My kids were sick with fevers, my husband transitioned to working the night shift, there was pink eye...again. It was time for this side of the ocean to have me back. And my mama heart was so ready to love on my sick kids and give my absolutely amazing (and exhausted) husband a break.
I've kicked the jet lag and now I'm waiting for my heart to catch up. Because as much as I loved coming home, its hard too. And it has caught me off guard that its hard.
Can you really have reentry stress when you are only gone 10 days to a place you've been before?
Apparently if you are me you can. Don't get me wrong in some ways its definitely "easier." The sights, sounds, and smells of the Big Mango have become familiar to me. I've been enough times to expect something to go wrong, to anticipate the heat, and to find the lack of electricity normal.
So what makes going back so hard?
Its the return to the convenient life when I still remember a whole lot of people have never lived it and that our missionaries are struggling to live without it when most of them have grown up with it.
(Did you know there is a refrigerated food section...in the PET FOOD?! This almost did me in at Walmart yesterday.)
Its the lack of ability to articulate a story when people ask, "How was your trip?" Because its not as sensational as the first time even though it rocked your world, but in a very different way. The kind of way that sometimes takes a bit to process.
Its the heartbreak of leaving people and a place you are falling deeper in love with each time you visit and not knowing a date on the calendar when it will be your turn to go back.
Its your body operating in the day to day, while you heart is still thinking about the kids in the orphanage and their need for forever families. So in between refereeing sibling squabbles and trying to find the missing book bag you are trying to figure out just exactly how God wants you to be a part of it all.
So if its hard why do we go back? What makes it absolutely totally worth it?
We are learning how to be our very best at blessing those on the field.
Each trip I learn what these sweet people miss. For some its chocolate. For others its berries. And coffee, good coffee is in high demand. The first year I had to guess and ask and I'm still learning but I'm getting better at just being able to bless.
We are watching these kiddos grow up.
(B & I in 2012)
(B & I in 2015)
I've never been, or raised a missionary kid. But I've tried to read up and I have LOTS of friends who fall in this category. MK's spend a lot of their life saying goodbye, often to people they don't know if/when they will see them again. I love being able to say, "We'll be back."
We remember in our house daily there are those still waiting for a family or living out a life where they will remain in the orphanage long term.
Visiting helps us to know whats going on at the orphanage. What kids need families so we can advocate. What their physical needs are as they care for the least of these on our behalf.
So we can send needed items.
And we can raise money for rice. (Stay tuned on that one..hint hint)
It allows us to invest in the word of God going forth in West Africa indirectly but in a much needed way.
We aren't the ones doing the Jesus sharing with nationals. Almost all of our time is spent with expatriates. Primarily through a VBS for missionary kids. And we are good with that. Because I'm not as well equipped to do the ministering. I don't have cultural context. Or street cred. Or language skills. But my missionary friends do. Getting on the field there takes a LONG time. Its a multistep process. Staying can be complicated. So if we can encourage and bless them and in any way help them to keep going that is a worthy investment.
There is a lot of debate in the missions community about short term missions. Some love it. (Mostly those who go short term.) Some hate it. (Mostly those who stay long term and see the damage that can be done.)
**Random Side Note: If you would like a super comedic look at what I'm referring to check out THIS video.
Around here we have found our place in an unknown land called long term short term missions.
(My husband likes to say our family motto is, "We don't do simple.")
Investing long term in West Africa through regular short term trips.
And even though my heart is still trying to sort it all out. And sometimes its hard to go back and forth between our two worlds.
For us its totally worth it.