Why I Don't Read Parenting Books

I am currently reading like 8 books.

With the advent of the Kindle in my life I can read a whole bunch of books at once, which I really love. I like to bounce around because I tend to read books in categories.

So I'm guessing your dying of curiosity about what 8 books I'm reading.

(Well, try and play along at least!)

Mary Slessor: Forward into Calabar 
The only real paper book I'm currently reading. (A book with paper. What is that?)
I am reading it at the insistence of my friend Heather and loving it. We not only "twins" but also have very similar taste in reading. It's about a fiery woman from Scotland who was a missionary in Nigeria in 1876.
Category:For Fun/Favorite (I have a secret love of missionary biographies.)

You and Me Forever:Marriage in Light of Eternity
Still processing this one. Interesting thoughts on the purpose of marriage. Like anything from Chan its challenging. So I like to read it a chapter at a time and leave it be.
Category:Marriage

Beyond Ordinary:When A Good Marriage Just Isn't Good Enough
Jeremy and I are reading this book together and doing the discussion questions. So far its brought great discussion. It's a memoir which is my brand new favorite type of book to read. We have tried lots of times to read books together but I usually get impatient and go on ahead. But, we've found with my new Kindle read a bunch of books at once style this is now much easier.  (The Kindle and the GPS have basically solved all our marriage problems. Hooray technology!)
Category:Marriage Memoir

Between Worlds: Essays on Culture & Belonging
God has called us to encourage the missionary population. But we've never been a live across the pond missionary. So I started reading a blog called A Life Oversees. I love it. I've learned so much. From it I found this book. Again, its a memoir which to me feels like laid back learning. I like that.
Category:Missions Memoir

Third Culture Kids:Growing Up Among Worlds
Among the missionary population God has given me an opportunity to love and teach missionary kids. I am going to get to do that in April in West Africa. I want to love well, so I'm trying to learn. This book has literally been on my to read list since I went to Africa in 2012.
Category:Missions

When Helping Hurts:Howto Alleviate Poverty Without Hurting the Poor...and Yourself
I've tried to listen to this audio book like 500 times. But, its not that kind of book. I need to read and absorb and really think. So, I'm starting again. This book is another one God has made it pretty clear I need to read for my ministry to be affective. I have so much to learn.
Category:Ministry

The Excellent Wife:A Biblical Perspective
I read part of this book and then got distracted. But I loved what I read so I'm revisiting it. The downside to the Kindle is I kind of can get reading ADD and accidentally forget a great book. Especially if my kids have had the Kindle and my "recent" books aren't actually the books I'm reading.
Category:Marriage/Wife

The Boys in the Boat:Nine Americans and Their Epic Quest for Gold at the 1936 Berlin Olympics
I honestly have no idea why I'm reading this book. Its historical (which I kind of hate...sorry) I saw it on Amazon and everyone thought it was the best book ever and it was on a deal for like $3 and for some reason I bought it. It was kind of impulsive and not like me. But, I do kind of like to read random books.
Category:I think I had a crazy moment?!

There you go. Your Welcome.

So.

Why is this post entitled, "Why I Don't Read Parenting Books."?

Great question.

I am going to acknowledge it. I've kind of been on hiatus from reading parenting books.

I used to always try to be reading a marriage book and a parenting book.

But truth be told if the parenting books were sitting on the shelf instead of inside my Kindle they'd be gathering dust. Actually I'm pretty sure I still have a book I bought at Hearts at Home (gasp) two years ago I've yet to power through.

So what is the deal?

Parenting books stress me out.

And if those aren't scary enough try reading an adoptive parenting book.

Not for the faint of heart.

Like if I never wanted to go to bed at night then that is what I should be reading.

If I am really honest (which I try and be around here) Jeremy and I are struggling with the idea that we aren't very good parents. Even though we really really want to be good parents.

We aren't patient enough. We don't pray enough. We feel tired. A lot.

Jen Hatmaker likes to say there are sweet families and spicy families.

I'm pretty sure we fall into the spicy category.

Yep. Spicy (or maybe crazy) it is.

We aren't good at being quiet, sitting still, or following directions.

We've got enough strong will in this crew to move a mountain.

And so we kind of feel like we are messing up our kids. Even though we know the truth is that they came with the messed up part all built in. Its called sin.

The other day I felt like God gave us a break through moment.

We've been trying to sit on our couch at night and read this super short devotional book before praying together.

Please don't be impressed by our holiness. This is new. So new the book hasn't even got lost yet. We got the book for Christmas and the first day we read was February 24th.

We decided to go ahead and read the day of the date is actually was.

Good choice.

The day's title was All-Out Parenting.

It had you rate your parenting from 1-10 in the following areas
-Radical Selflessness: Do I die to self?
-Radical Objectives: Am I concerned with IQ or CQ (character quotient)
-Radical Modeling: Do I model?
-Radical Involvement: Do I hug, read, affirm, discuss?
-Radical Expectations: Do I challenge my kids with the Great Commandment & the Great Commission?

And as we went through the list and honestly rated ourselves we realized we actually weren't failing.

Major break through moment.

Too often when we think we are failing its because we are basing how we are doing on our kid's behavior.

I only know one perfect parent. And if you rated his "parenthood" on his children's behavior even He would look like a failure.

So maybe my quest needs to be more about being like Him and less about worrying if my kids are making me look bad.

Ouch.

Maybe its time to break out the parenting books again. Or maybe I just need to keep reading my Bible. Its the best parenting book I've ever read.

So what have you been reading? What parenting book should I be brave and read?

I love recommendations.


p.s. I realized that truth be told I technically am reading one "parenting" book right now. It's called Mom Enough and its free! Its the book that had me weeping on my bedroom floor in the middle of the night. (So maybe I shouldn't break my rule, huh?) I forgot about it because its in that weird "Docs" section of my Kindle instead of with the books. But it was free so who cares! The fact that its really a collection of blog posts and this quote is why I read it, "Somehow in God's mathematics of grace: Mom (never enough) + God (infinitely enough) = Mom enough. Never mom enough, but filled with the One who is always enough."

For the Love of Overpriced Blueberries

Recently one of my dear friends spoke some good truth to me. We were chatting about a crazy status update she had shared about a day in the life of her motherhood. You know the kind. The one where this happens. And this happens. And then this breaks. And then this person pukes. And you just have to share so everyone can give you some solidarity sister.

I had one of those days the other day when I was doing an errand marathon trying to get ready for two of my children's birthday parties.

You know what I mean. We'd been to the bank. And Dollar General. And Wal-Mart. And then Aldi.  And it was bordering on 1:30 and no one had eaten a bit of lunch but I felt the need to power through.

I have said the following statement more times than I can count.

"I will no longer go grocery shopping with both boys."

(Thing 1 & Thing 2)

And yet "like a dog to its vomit" (Ew? What a gross Bible verse right?) I end up in a pinch and there I am crying for mercy as I drive home from said shopping experience sans 4 year old number one and 4 year old number two shoving lime tortilla chips in my face and calling it lunch.

(Don't worry I shared with Thing 1 and Thing 2)

On this particular trip I of course had a list of "must have" items as I was trying to party plan. Which means I was trying to juggle keeping the boys from destroying the store and checking everything off my list.

Yes, I know this is a recipe for a disaster. But, it is also the great material for this blogpost. So at least my mistake wasn't wasted, right?

Towards the middle of aisle 3 I realized there was a package of blueberries in our cart.

What? Where did those come from?

I only buy the produce on sale. It makes our budget work. I knew I hadn't chosen these lovely blueberries because they weren't on sale that week.

I'm pretty sure that was the work of precious (and apparently hungry) Thing 2.

At this point we had already made it to the check out line so I decided to go with it and silently offered up a prayer that said not-on-sale blueberries would be under $3.

And with that we began the daunting task of unloading our fairly full cart. With expert help of course from Thing 1 and Thing 2. About half way through I hear the following, "Oh, no! Mama the blueberries are falling."

You guessed it the overpriced not on sale blueberries had mysteriously (Or not so mysteriously since my helpers were hungry) come open and were spilling out into the cart and through the holes of the cart onto the floor. Everywhere. So, I did what any frugal mama would do and I started picking them up and putting them back in the carton.

Off the grocery store floor. (Calm down they came out of a field and I did intend to wash them.)

While the boys started "helping" by trying to move the cart a.k.a. smash a bunch of blueberries.

I finally picked up all the blueberries including the precious smashed ones that I sadly threw away. While putting the carton onto the conveyor I might or might not have said for everyone around to hear, "God is going to develop the patience of a Saint in me by the time I get you boys raised."

I wish this was the end of the story.

We arrive at our car and I am silently praising God that we have made it to the finish line and I can buckle the boys in their car seats while I unload the groceries into our van in silent freezing peace.

That is when Thing 1 looks up at me and says the following.

"Mama I put my yogurt in my pocket. And you forgot to pay for it."

Have mercy.

At which time we returned to the warmth of the Aldi (or was that my blood pressure providing the heat?) to pay for the $.44 yogurt.

Take 2 on the finish line. I buckle the boys into their car seat and actually arrive at the peace and quiet of loading our groceries into the back of the van. Only to realize that the star of this story the BLUEBERRIES have made a reappearance. They have apparently came open AGAIN and have left a trail all over the parking lot.

Now I know you are wondering two things.

1- Did I pick them up? No, even I have a limit in frugality/patience.

2-How much did they cost? Praise the Lord they were indeed under $3. I believe I paid $2.38 for the less than 1/2 a carton that made it to our house.

But Thing 1 & Thing 2 did enjoy them, and I am pretty sure I remembered to wash them.
(Breathe....I washed them.)

And if I'm being honest more of my days look like this than I'd like to admit. And though they make me laugh now, at the time I thought I might not survive. (I can be dramatic) Or at least not with my patient mama facade in place for sure!

But here is the great truth my friend shared while we were talking about her own adventurous shopping trip with littles.

She said, "But really couldn't most moms of little ones make a status update like that every day? That is just kind of life with kids."

I needed to hear that because I sometimes believe the lie that only my life is a running source of material for Mom's Night Out 2. I think other mom's lives are much more chaos free. But I'm guessing so many moms wouldn't have loved the first movie if they couldn't relate.

Maybe I'm not the only mom who has caved and paid for over-priced half gone blueberries.

I recently finished a Bible study by Kelly Minter. This quote felt like it was penned just for me. For my motherhood. For my ministry. For my undone laundry and in desperate need of a mop floors.

"God shows up in our reality. He shows up in our weakness. His eyes are not running across the earth looking for the woman who lives in a  romantic movie set of perfection. He is looking for the real, the weak, and the one who conceded need for Him. And how thankful I am."

Real? Check.

Weak? Check Check.

In Need of Him. Check. Check. Check.

I guess his eyes are looking for me.

May he find me up to my eyeballs in spilled blueberries conceding my weakness and asking Him to make it my strength. (possibly while I thank him for lime tortilla ships :)

My Post Adoption Split Personality

Today I answer the BIG question people have been asking.

Will spring ever come?

Oh, wait I don't know the answer to that one. Let's try again.

Will we adopt again?

I know! That is a good one right?

The answer I have depends on the day.

Most days I look at my son and I see the miracle that God has placed in our life. A living breathing reminder of His sovereignty, His grace, His goodness. I think about the extreme transformation that has happened in David's life and I am in awe. He has adapted like the survivor that he is. He can speak fluent English. He is quickly catching up on skills like cutting, counting, and problem solving. He is hilarious. His smile lights up a room and his songs fill our ears.

He is a brother.

A son.

He is absolutely precious.

And I think how can we NOT do this again?

We have learned so much.

I mean look at us-don't we look amazingly blessed?
(Partly due to the miracle of great editing)

And I am over the moon thrilled.

This family picture is like the answer to a thousand prayers hanging on my wall.

My sister and mom took these pictures as my birthday gift this year. They are so amazing, and we are so blessed to have access to such amazing photography. (that we totally couldn't afford otherwise!)

And then my sister surprised me with a huge canvas for my Christmas gift. Its really big. But it just seems so fitting and perfect. Because having David home and in our family is a HUGE deal. A miracle we weren't even sure was possible.

So why the split personality?

Because these feelings of awe are the way I feel most days on a good week.

But lets be honest we have our days.

Days like today when said miracle dumps half a bottle of cologne on his head when using the bathroom.

When he writes all over the hard wood floors with permanent marker while your trying to fix big sister's hair for her concert that you can't go to because another sister has pink eye in both eyes and the hubs in working the late shift.

(Thank the Lord for magic erasers, a Gramy who can go to concerts and modern medicine. Can I get a mama amen out there?!)

When half the bath water (remember the cologne) is flooding your bathroom while you are trying to read with the sister with pink eye.

And it reeks of cologne. And your floor is covered in pieces of a disintegrating magic eraser from its popular use as of late. And your bathroom is flooded. And your husband is working hard and you are sending up the desperate prayers. And this day is so far from the one you planned on having.

And all I can think is how in the world do people do this more than once? How do they have a precious brood of grafted in little ones without their house falling apart?

And then Satan begins to spin the lies. Its just you. You aren't enough. Your home is chaotic. Your kids are crazy. You aren't worthy of the ones you have let alone the ones you still may want.

And here I sit with my post adoption split personality.

Because I'm finding again that motherhood, all motherhood, is about giving it up and letting it go.

And with each child we've added to our family I've had to let go. Let go of my pre-pregnancy body, of my uninterrupted night's sleep, of going to the bathroom by myself, of organized toys, of puzzles with all the pieces, of daughter's with fixed hair, and sons with shoes on the right feet, of holding it all together and of worrying about what other people think when I definitely don't hold it all together.

(Well, I'm trying on that last one. I thought that was supposed to come with your 30's but I'm a late bloomer so maybe by 40 I'll finally give the people pleasing a rest.)

So remember the huge canvas of our family photo? Up until this week it was still sitting in its protective cardboard box.

Because as you can tell from the above description of our day pretty things need protection around here.  And because truth be told I just couldn't find a spot on my wall where it fit.

(Yeah, its the end of February and we are just now finding places for all our Christmas gifts. Your judging. I'm trying not to care, remember?)

Until this week. I found the perfect spot. My little white box. Remember this?

It was still hanging on my wall untouched. Because I kind of get attached to photos on my wall of my babies when they were little and I hate to update them.

But, I knew this was the perfect spot.

And it was.

Because I had to let go of the old to find room for the new.

And for me so much of motherhood is learning to let it go and being willing to let God redefine.

So in a few years will I be taking this photo down to hang a new one of the Humiston family seven strong with more than one little set of dark eyes?

I have no idea.

I know that mothering this crazy crew has left me sobbing on the floor of my bedroom in the middle of the night while my husband sleeps. Begging God to make me see. See the truth that he has ordained me to be their mama and he didn't make a mistake despite the marker on the floor, and the dents in the drywall, and the repenting again and again for harsh words spoken in exasperation instead of love.

But I'm no longer just desperate for an orderly life.

I've become more desperate for the Holy Spirit to develop His fruit in me than any other thing I've ever done. And I wouldn't trade that or my four precious kiddos for anything.

This quote from a blogpost of an adoptive mama pretty much sums up my feelings on the question at hand.

"I'm not going to say our family feels "complete" now. Our family feels FULL but our commitment to going where God leads remains...and it may lead to creating more space in our home and our hearts for kids who need it."

And I know that isn't really an answer, but its my heart.