Jeremy & I on the Blessing Ranch property.
We saw lots of mule deer, even out our window at the guest house.
The first morning during our break we climbed to almost the top of Rednose Mountain (which is actually a "foothill") It was gorgeous! I couldn't believe how far we made it considering how pregnant I am.
This is what our room looked like, the guest house reminded us of the Bed & Breakfast's we love.
On Wednesday afternoon we had some off campus homework. We drove up into Wyoming to the mountains. We stopped in Larime, at a bakery for a yummy lunch. We were hoping to have a picnic by the lake at the top of the mountain. Spend some time worshiping, talking, praying, etc. Well, as we went up the mountain it started snowing. We actually missed the lake, which we finally figured out when we started going back down. So, needless to say no picnic! We did get out for about 15 minutes and got some awesome pictures. But, I was freezing so we didn't stay too long.
Last week Jeremy and I had a once in a lifetime type of opportunity. We were able to spend a week at Blessing Ranch in Livermore, CO. It was an amazing week! While I won't go into the details of the exact circumstances that brought us to the ranch we felt God did everything in his power to extend a personal invitation from Him. Going to the ranch felt like the answer to a thousand prayers. (Some of them simply tears with hope the Holy Spirit would intercede!) The ranch is located in northern Colorado and as you can see it is absolutely breathtaking. Jeremy and I have always loved God's creation and felt very close to Him whenever we spend time in his creation (must be that camping background) Personally I was running on fumes in my walk with the Lord and my job as a pregnant mommy of two small children. I knew I desperately needed some rest but had no idea how it was logistically ever going to happen. But, fortunately God did. We found out about the opportunity and less than 2 weeks later we landed in Colorado, thanks to our parent's willingness to take time off work to keep our kids. (I will blog about that in another post-they really enjoyed themselves too!)
Jeremy and I feel like we learned SO much during this week. It was a great opportunity for rest, reflection, prayer, reading, and seeking wise counsel. John & Deanna Walker blessed us beyond words! Each day we would have sessions with John, time to reflect, homework (a lot of reading), and amazing dinners each night. Jeremy and I both love to read and found we have both gotten out of the habit with life's stress. We also enjoyed getting to know another couple Ron & Jan who were also visiting the ranch.
I feel like I grew so much in my personal faith journey during this week. Life's circumstances had caused me to realize that God is a lot more concerned with our holiness than he is our happiness. (someone smart said that I stole it). It had left me with doubts and fears. I realized my childhood views of God (my protector who I easily trusted) would have to align themselves with who God actually claims to be in his word. And the truth is God's word is full of examples of his people struggling. These are all thoughts I had been mulling on in my time leading up to going to the ranch. I finally was honest with myself that God and I are having a trust issue. I am having trouble trusting God. (Remember how much I like control?) At the core of my dilemma is a simple question, "Is God really good?" When I loose my baby, when life is a struggle, when I don't understand, can I trust and say, "God is good." Because if I can, then it is really freeing. I don't have to fear what the world can throw at me. But, if I can't then I'm left with control but the price is costly. I'm left with an immature faith, one that doesn't know how to deal with the really tough stuff in life.
The conclusion to our time at the ranch was Jeremy and I making a major decision. Jeremy choose to resign his position as youth minister. It was not an easy decision. But, we felt that was clearly where God was leading us. And so we choose to step out in faith and be obedient. I wish I could say God has already illuminated the next step. But, he hasn't. So for now we are waiting in obedience trusting He is in this decision. It has been very difficult sharing this news with our family and friends. There are so many people we love here. Especially our "big kids." But I can feel a peace that reassures we are in the center of his will for our family, even if it hasn't been easy.
Today I overheard Grace talking to one of my daycare kids, "My dad is getting a new job. We don't know what it is yet. My mom and dad need to pray and ask God what it will be." She was reciting word for word what we had explained to her. Complete trust, no doubt, no fear. That is the kind of trust I want to find again. It is definitely a journey...
