Africa in April...AGAIN!

We have some super exciting/crazy news to share!

If you read this blog you know that last year in April I traveled to West Africa with a team from Pioneer Bible Translators to do a VBS for missionary children there. I was part of a team that put on a spiritual retreat for the missionaries. It rocked my world and changed the course of our adoption journey. Since then we've been on a journey to adopt from this country without an established program.

We had been hoping to travel in late spring/early summer to go get our son. However, as is usually the case things are moving slower than we had hoped. This is due to lots of reasons, but the week of Valentine's day God finally brought me around to the reality that I needed to adjust my heart to the idea that we wouldn't be experiencing all the things we do in the summer as a family of 6. Between baking, frosting, and delivery a billion cupcakes I was a crazy emotional mess inside and spent lots of hours laying awake at night seeking the Lord to quiet my heart.

During one of these late night talks I thought the Lord prompted my heart to remember the team that was going in April and that we had originally been asked to join them. To be honest, I didn't really even pray about that opportunity. I simply declined because I thought we would be traveling soon to get our son. So I asked Jeremy if he would pray with me about going in April to minister and meet our son. This was on Valentine's Day. (between him puking his guts out :) I'm not very patient, remember? I simply couldn't wait to share with him all that was churning in my heart.

He agreed to pray about it. We labored over this decision. At first, I wanted to go see my son so bad I felt desperate. I wanted to go visit my missionary friends I missed. I wanted to join my team members again. I simply wanted to go...really... really....really bad. I felt so immature spiritually that I wanted to go more than I felt like I wanted to listen for God's direction. And so I BEGGED God to change my heart. And dear friends interceded on my behalf. I knew God knew the desire's of my mama heart. But, I wanted to desire obedience above my own selfish desires.

And eventually God answered. I came to a place where I was okay with staying home. I truly wanted to follow the Lord. After praying I felt like it was best to let Jeremy lead and make the decision. And he wrestled big time with what to do. We realize that the idea of both of us traveling to Africa in a year is pretty crazy. And its not like we have an extra $5,000 laying around to pay for it either. And that would mean leaving our precious children here not once but twice. And And then there was the reality that we would have the blessing of meeting our fourth child only to have to say goodbye again. All of this was heavy on our hearts.

It's been exactly one month since I first pitched my "crazy" idea to Jeremy. And its been a roller coaster ride to say the least.

I never felt like God asked us to go and we had to obey. (This is definitely what he said last year.) It was more like my heart felt he said, "I am willing to bless you with this if you are willing to trust me and step out in faith. I can use this trip to increase your faith." And so we began to see if the doors would open. And they have. And so we are juggling the logistics of both of us traveling to Africa in about a month. And making plans so we can bless those beloved missionaries & their children's socks  off. And trying to prepare our hearts for the moment we've been anticipating, meeting our son David.

Crazy!

One of the hardest parts of this decision for us was the look on peoples faces when we began to share the idea of us taking this trip. In our hearts we thought some people might be thinking...

How can you spend the money when you will still bring David home before the end of 2013?

How can you go visit him and then leave without him?

How will this affect the money you still have left to raise to bring David home?

How will this trip affect your biological children left at home?

And truth be told we really don't have answers to these tough questions. We can't see with our earthly eyes how this will all come together. We are committing to do something that we can't do alone. If God doesn't come through we will look like fools. That's terrifying. That's exciting. And for us that is what faith looks like. And we are praying that faith in action will leave a lasting gift with our children that out weighs the sacrifice of sharing their daddy and mama more.

The missionaries we hope to bless are so worth it. Our son is so worth it. And the glory we are hoping it will bring to God when we accomplish something only he can do is most definitely worth it.

794803521896 is the lovliest # I've ever seen!

So, what is that number?

# of times I've wanted to get on Facebook during this fast? No

# of times I've been impatient about our adoption? Maybe

Tracking # of our dossier on its way to Guinea? YES!

So, many of you joined us in praying that our paperwork would leave with my friend at the end of January. Instead, it left with a Fed Ex delivery man on Thursday, February 21, 2013. Almost a month later. But, that doesn't mean your prayers were wasted. We didn't have to redo any of our documents which was a huge blessing and we had a real peace about the fact that it wasn't ready to go yet. Both answers to your prayers. And it cost much less in international shipping than we thought, under $100. (Not sure how we got so confused about that...)

Due to the magic of technology I was able to "stalk" our paperwork as it made its way across the ocean. Our agency had told us it would take about 3 business days. By Saturday, we enjoyed seeing it had made it to Paris, France. (If only we could have tagged along!) It was slated to arrive Monday or Tuesday. Hooray! We were hoping for Tuesday, Grace's 7th birthday. Things were going so smoothly. This is a very dangerous statement in the roller coaster that is international adoption.

And then it moved to "In transit" from France and stayed there...for days. We weren't exactly sure what that meant...

Finally, on February 28th it said something like "unconfirmed" arrival in Conakry. We weren't exactly sure what that meant either....

So we went ahead and e-mailed our orphanage contact and let them know that we thought it had arrived. They would have to go and pick it up as it was mailed to a mission office. They let us know that know one had been in that office all week. Great we love waiting. (slight sarcasm)

Then yesterday we received this short e-mail "We got them!" from our friends at the orphanage.

And then today we finally received an e-mail from our agency saying "FYI" with the Fed Ex delivery confirmation.

So, its official and I've got the Fed Ex delivery confirmation to prove it. Our dossier is in country!

Join us in celebrating this milestone which is a testament to the faithfulness of God.

I started to write this post a long time ago. (Like the day after our paperwork left.) But, there has been a lot going on "behind the scenes" so to speak in our journey. When I started this fast I had no idea the questions God was going to give us to wrestle with. And we haven't quite gotten that all figured out yet. But, I decided this was to "big" not to share. God totally deserves to be praised even while we wait and wrestle. (More on all that to come....that is the closest your going to get to a cliff hanger here.)

But, I will share one thing God has been teaching me along this leg of the journey.  God uses my weakness to be shown strong.  I'm reading the book, "Just Courage: God's Great Expedition for the Restless Christian" and its already challenging me left and right. I would highlight half the book if I knew how to use that feature on my Kindle. Here is a quote I found particularly challenging.

"In different times and in different ways, our heavenly Father offers us a simple proposition: Follow me beyond what you can control, beyond where your own strength and competencies can take you, and beyond what is affirmed or risked by the crowd-and you will experience me and my power and my wisdom and my love. 

Jesus beckons me to follow him to that place of weakness where I risk the vulnerability of a child so that I might know how strong my Father is and how much he loves me. 

But truth be told, I would rather be an adult. I'd rather be in a place where I can still pull things together if God doesn't show up, where I risk no ultimate humiliation, where I don't have to take the shallow breaths of desperation."

I've seen this played out before. A person is fluent in Language A. Yet, God calls them to serve in another area of the world that speaks Language B. A person thinks they don't even want children and God calls them to adopt...3. You spend your whole college career training for a certain field only to spend your whole life serving in another.

God, this kind of makes me crazy! Why do you do this?

Because God calls us where we are weak so that he can be shown strong.

This is so true in my life. I am an impatient woman. Ask my husband. When we first got married I wanted to fix everything that was wrong with our house before we moved in. That just seemed more effective to me. If we didn't do it now it wouldn't get done. And it was up to us to get it done. If it was worth doing it was worth doing now. (Everyone feel sorry for my husband right about now.)

Now, don't get me wrong. I can wait. I love to schedule a vacation ahead of time and then have it to look forward to and anticipate and plan and save for. That's fun. But, plan the best vacation ever and have no idea when you are going to actually go on it with no way to pay for it? That's torture!

And that my friends is international adoption.

God has called me to two of my biggest area's of weakness impatience & dependance. I often wonder if God called an independent impatient woman to adopt David because he wanted to teach me those exact things or because it would take a hardworking advocate (the better side of my traits) to get David home. I'm pretty sure its both and neither.

I think God is showing me he called me to something I couldn't do on my own so he could have all the glory. But, alas like the quote above I'd rather be an "adult." I don't want to risk being vulnerable. I don't want to feel like, "God I simply can't do this, I can't wait another day for my son."

On the good days I depend. I wait. And on the bad days I wrestle for control and I complain. And I'm praying in spite of myself God is getting the glory.

A Valentine's Day to Remember

It was a Valentine's Day to remember around our house for several reasons....

We baked over 700 cupcakes! That is over 7+ dozen eggs I cracked in case you were wondering.

 My oven literally was on from 8:30 in the morning till 10:30 Tuesday night.

I didn't take the apron off all day...including picking up Grace from school.

 I have never made that much frosting in one day...ever! I used 16 bags of powdered sugar.

 Our entire dinner table covered in cupcakes...

 and some extra tables too!

 16 dozen white, 10 dozen red, and 16 dozen chocolate, plus minis!

That is a lot of frosting and sprinkles-just ask Kathryn.

 She frosted from sun up (almost) to sun down on Wednesday.

 And I gained 3 pounds (literally...opps!)

 That is a lot of love! Actually $1,100 worth of it. 

Thats how much money was raised to bring baby Martin and David home. 

Now that is Sweet 2 the Soul!

 But, the sweetest part of my Valentine's Day had NOTHING to do with sugar. 

It is a moment I will never forget.

 On February 13th I got to hear David's voice for the first time in a video sent from our missionary friends. He was repeating after his friend Hannah, an intern at the orphanage. "Bonjour Papa, Bonjour Mama!" In the most adorable little accent ever. It was a valentine from the Lord himself to my mama heart. I listened to it like 25 times.

 And I didn't even mind how long it took me to do all the dishes after that one!

Hope your Heart Day was just as sweet. 

I'm so thankful that many of you gave generously to be a part of ours. 

Thanks for bringing our babies home.