Why We Go Back

I'm home from West Africa.

I've actually been home 16 days. Its good to be here. My kids were sick with fevers, my husband transitioned to working the night shift, there was pink eye...again. It was time for this side of the ocean to have me back.  And my mama heart was so ready to love on my sick kids and give my absolutely amazing (and exhausted) husband a break.

I've kicked the jet lag and now I'm waiting for my heart to catch up.  Because as much as I loved coming home, its hard too. And it has caught me off guard that its hard.

Can you really have reentry stress when you are only gone 10 days to a place you've been before? 

Apparently if you are me you can. Don't get me wrong in some ways its definitely "easier." The sights, sounds, and smells of the Big Mango have become familiar to me. I've been enough times to expect something to go wrong, to anticipate the heat, and to find the lack of electricity normal.

So what makes going back so hard?

Its the return to the convenient life when I still remember a whole lot of people have never lived it and that our missionaries are struggling to live without it when most of them have grown up with it.

(Did you know there is a refrigerated food section...in the PET FOOD?! This almost did me in at Walmart yesterday.)

Its the lack of ability to articulate a story when people ask, "How was your trip?" Because its not as sensational as the first time even though it rocked your world, but in a very different way. The kind of way that sometimes takes a bit to process.

Its the heartbreak of leaving people and a place you are falling deeper in love with each time you visit and not knowing a date on the calendar when it will be your turn to go back.

Its your body operating in the day to day, while you heart is still thinking about the kids in the orphanage and their need for forever families. So in between refereeing sibling squabbles and trying to find the missing book bag you are trying to figure out just exactly how God wants you to be a part of it all.

So if its hard why do we go back? What makes it absolutely totally worth it?

We are learning how to be our very best at blessing those on the field.

Each trip I learn what these sweet people miss. For some its chocolate. For others its berries. And coffee, good coffee is in high demand. The first year I had to guess and ask and I'm still learning but I'm getting better at just being able to bless.

We are watching these kiddos grow up.

(B & I in 2012)

(B & I in 2015)

I've never been, or raised a missionary kid. But I've tried to read up and I have LOTS of friends who fall in this category. MK's spend a lot of their life saying goodbye, often to people they don't know if/when they will see them again. I love being able to say, "We'll be back."

We remember in our house daily there are those still waiting for a family or living out a life where they will remain in the orphanage long term.

Visiting helps us to know whats going on at the orphanage. What kids need families so we can advocate. What their physical needs are as they care for the least of these on our behalf. 

So we can send needed items.

 And we can raise money for rice. (Stay tuned on that one..hint hint)

It allows us to invest in the word of God going forth in West Africa indirectly but in a much needed way.

We aren't the ones doing the Jesus sharing with nationals. Almost all of our time is spent with expatriates. Primarily through a VBS for missionary kids. And we are good with that. Because I'm not as well equipped to do the ministering. I don't have cultural context. Or street cred. Or language skills. But my missionary friends do. Getting on the field there takes a LONG time. Its a multistep process. Staying can be complicated. So if we can encourage and bless them and in any way help them to keep going that is a worthy investment. 

There is a lot of debate in the missions community about short term missions. Some love it. (Mostly those who go short term.) Some hate it. (Mostly those who stay long term and see the damage that can be done.) 

**Random Side Note: If you would like a super comedic look at what I'm referring to check out THIS video.

Around here we have found our place in an unknown land called long term short term missions. 

(My husband likes to say our family motto is, "We don't do simple.") 

Investing long term in West Africa through regular short term trips. 

And even though my heart is still trying to sort it all out. And sometimes its hard to go back and forth between our two worlds. 

For us its totally worth it. 

A Legacy of Hospitality

Sonny & Betty Litwiller- A Living Example of Hospitality

During my internship at Jefferson Street Christian Church I had the privilege of living in the basement apartment of Sonny & Betty Litwiller's home. It was a time that blessed me deeply and left a lasting impression on my life. Below are the words I was able to share at Betty's celebration of life service this past weekend.

I remember that house, that was many people’s home.

I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who used their house as a place of ministry better than Sonny & Betty Litwiller. You were welcome to move in and make yourself at home. And they never expected a dime, just a good conversation now and again when you passed through. The only thing they wouldn’t put up with was not becoming a part of the family.

I remember the food.

Betty made sure that anyone who visited her home, or who lived there for that matter was well fed. I didn’t know you could fry a pumpkin blossom till I met Betty. But she insisted I give it a try. I hadn’t heard of peach cream pie either, but it was one Betty always loved to make. She was never short on teapots, which we used to throw a tea party for her granddaughters along with fancy hats and food. And of course one of my strongest memories is making apple butter around the kettle in their garage. While you ate a hot dog or visited with friends they would stir up something you weren’t soon to forget. And of course everyone got some to take home.

I remember laughter. Chances are you too remember a funny story about Betty.

While I was living with the Litwiller’s my husband Jeremy asked me to marry him. So he got to join the family too. Betty of course hosted a shower for me in that same house I had grown to love. And then her and Sonny traveled to our wedding. I still giggle thinking about the mishap she had. Somehow she dropped her camera in the toilet. She never could revive her camera, and boy was she disappointed to loose those pictures. And of course they had to wrap up the “gag” gift that had been rotating around their friend group and give it to us as a wedding gift. Weren’t we lucky!

Her and Sonny were never short on their practical joking. Sonny had this rubber alligator he used to hide all over to be ornery to me. I’d find it in my bed, swinging from the door, or stuck in one of my drawers. I hadn’t forgotten the alligator. When Sonny passed away Betty packaged it up and sent it to me. I’m not sure I’ve laughed more when opening a package. Betty was thoughtful like that. Sharing fun memories, even as she grieved her loss so deeply.

Every time my kids have played with it I’ve thought of them. My kids know to be gentle with it because it belonged to someone mommy loved. Just a few weeks ago I was telling Jeremy I wanted to send it back to Betty. Her tone had sounded much sadder than usual in her Christmas card. I knew she was missing Sonny. What a joy it is to think of them together. No doubt enjoying sweet laughter again.

Many of you got to experience a lifetime of memories with Betty. Even though I only lived with the Litwiller’s for about six months it seemed like much longer. My husband and I often dream of a house in the future chosen with intentionality. Not so we can have lots of space or store lots of things. But a place where we can live out the type of service we saw modeled in Sonny & Betty. That desire has taken root in our lives and it was planted as a seed when I saw it lived out in Betty. Her genuine hospitality left a lasting impression on my life, and I’d venture to guess the lives of many others who stayed with them over the years. 

1 Peter 4:8-10 says, “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.”

I have never met anyone who was a living breathing example of that scripture more than Betty Litwiller. 

Webster defines hospitality as generous and friendly treatment of visitors and guests.

That was Betty. Generous. Friendly. Keeper of a house where guests were always welcome.

And I’m planning on staying in her “basement” again someday because I have no doubt the Lord had a special place prepared for her because of the hope she had in Him. I can’t wait to visit, and I might just bring my alligator! 

These Things I Remember

I've been sorting through my heart. In 32 days I leave for West Africa.

When I come back from WA my perspective is so different.

I am overwhelmed as I attempt to shop at the Wal-Mart.
So much stuff.
Stuff that is simply cluttering our lives while people are starving to death.

I am overwhelmed with the church on every corner.
So many corners.
Churches that pass back and forth members while people around the globe wait for the word of God.

I am overwhelmed by being surrounded by the blessing of family.
Family gatherings full of memories to be made and love to be received.
And yet so many wait, with no one to call their own.

I am overwhelmed as I turn on my faucet, use my washing machine, and take my kids to the doctor.
So convenient. So easy.
Ease while so much of the world struggles without clean water and sufficient medical care.

Its been over a year since I've gotten on a plane, touched down in the red dirt, and had the heat hit my face like a wall. And I'm itching to get my feet back on West African soil.

To encourage missionaries. To hold orphans. To begin again to see the world through a different lens.

Because I need to remember.

I need to be overwhelmed.

And yet a part of me dreads the remembering.

What will I come back and see so differently this time?

In what new way will the Lord ask me to live simply so that others can simply live?

What will end up looking like nonsense because I remember that not everyone lives like I do?

This year God is teaching me the intricate link between obedience and sacrifice.

And I wonder what is ahead.

And the Lord keeps bringing these lyrics to my mind.

Chris Tomlin - I Lift My Hands (Official Music Video) from chris-tomlin on GodTube.

"I lift my hands to believe again. You are my refuge, you are my strength. As I pour out my heart, these things I remember. You are faithful God forever."

Because while its good to remember the realities of our fallen world its even better to remember them in light of who God is.

Let faith arise. Open my eyes. Let faith arise.

While people say to me all day long, “Where is your God?” These things I remember as I pour out my soul: how I used to go to the house of God under the protection of the Mighty One with shouts of joy and praise among the festive throng. Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.
Psalm 42:3-5