I'm confused.
Jeremy and I are in a season of intense searching for what God has for us. And its not that God isn't working, I'm just not ready to share all the details.
Last night I sat in my van and I wept before the Lord.
(Because all mamas know the shower and your minivan parked in your own driveway are two of the places the Lord loves to work best, right?)
We were having a very honest chat about where he's brought us and where we are headed. I seem to know very little about the second.
But, the Lord didn't leave me alone. He gave me something.
Even though most of what I said to him involved ugly tears and asking the Spirit to intercede and communicate what I couldn't God gave me a picture. I am a super visual person. And what I saw was God planting my tears. And out of those tears over time beautiful flowers grew. Eventually, I know these tears will turn into a harvest of joy.
Now don't hear me wrong. I have no illusions that means those flowers will be exactly what I wanted to grow. It won't be everything working out exactly as I had hoped, planned, or even schemed. But, eventually there will be flowers.
God also brought this quote to my mind, "The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence, the grass is greener where you water it." And so I'm begging God to water me! I took that quote and I began searching my Bible for a verse to communicate this picture.
And this one just seemed perfect.
"The Lord will guide you ALWAYS, he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scortched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a WELL-WATERED garden." Isaiah 58:11
A master gardner I am not.
Especially when it comes to flowers. I might be motivated enough to keep vegetable alive because I like to eat. But, flowers not so much. I kept my one hanging basket of flowers alive this summer and was pretty proud of myself. If I had to make a future house wish list it would include no flower beds. Their up keep just stresses me out.
The only way I am going to have beautiful flower beds is if I were to turn that job over to someone else. Someone I would probably have to pay. So you can just enjoy the bright yellow paint, because that ain't happening.
And the only way I'm getting flowers growing in this mess of my life is if God is the master gardner planting my tears.
Maybe what I need isn't the allure of greener grass, maybe what I need is to be a well-watered garden.
(On a random side note apparently there is a plant called "baby tears" which I discovered while trying to find an image for this post...maybe I need to plant some for my window as my visual reminder of what God is teaching me. I can actually somewhat keep house plants alive. ;)
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