Remembering my Grandpa

Well, it has been a very long week. This time last week I was coming home from youth group exhausted and not feeling well. Over the weekend we had a retreat and I had been hosting six Jr. High girls at our house. So I had been busy cooking and staying up way later than normal. I was feeling sorry for myself thinking before I had children this would have been when I crawled into bed and didn't reaapear until I felt better. I was up most of Sunday night with stomach issues (I keep having 24 hour flu bugs-which are more likely some type of stomach problem I have yet to get diagnosed). So I woke up Monday morning not sure if I thought Jeremy should go into work because I felt pretty terrible.

Like I said I was feeling pretty sorry for myself that being sick when you are a mom is a real bummer. And then the totally unexpected happened. Jeremy walked in and said, "Jennifer, your grandpa died this morning." Not what I was expecting for sure. And so instead of staying in bed I felt like the Lord said- Nope, you aren't going to stay in bed instead you are going to run a marathon.

So I packed up my girls and headed home. Hoping to help out in any way I could. It was a very long week. On top of everything else my girls both came down with colds. I wish I could say I took it all in stride but I didn't. I struggled. I was tired. I felt guilty for the lack of superb care my girls were not getting. I was even grouchy with my husband. But it was worth it because I felt like I was able to help out a little. I helped organize the plants our family received so they could be well cared for by family members. My girls brought moments of laughter in the midst of tears for my grandma. But the best part was I learned more about my granparents.

I learned about how my grandpa was part of the local State Park being established. I learned about all the different church committees he had served on. I chated with my grandma about how it was having all four boys at home when they were little. She said she made them take naps & go to bed early, sometimes for her own sanity (Sounds just like me!)

Probably the hardest part was speaking at the funeral. My cousin Sarah and I were asked to speak, representing the grandchildren. Thankfully, laying in bed very early one morning the Lord brought to mind a Psalm I had been studying not too long ago. And so we did a reading based around the 128th Psalm.

I have found there is a temptation with this blog to make it like a Christmas card (only highlighting the wonderful sweet moments-making our family look seemingly perfect) But that isn't my life and I doubt it is yours either. This week was hard and I didn't always represent the Jesus I love-but I did learn a lot.

If you can't say something nice...

Well, I haven't written anything for a week now. Basically I can sum this up in the great statement- If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. I am struggling and because I am the wife of a minister that is about all I can say (I don't think its a wise decision to vent on the Internet). But I would appreciate your prayers as Jeremy and I strive to draw close to the heart of God and seek his guidance.

Here are two quotes I've found helpful. I thought I'd share them and maybe they will be helpful to you all as well.

The grass isn't greener on the other side; it is greener where you water and fertilize it.

At any time, there is more going right in the life of a committed Christian than there is going wrong. It's just that the "wrong" makes a lot more noise than the "right."

Both of these quotes came from a book I'm reading called, "The Bathtub is Overflowing but I Feel Drained" It is basically about dealing with mommy stress and really worth reading in my opinion. It is by Lisa TerKerust the president of Probers 31 Ministries. You can check out her blog at http://lysaterkeurst.blogspot.com/ She has an amazing story about adopting her two sons from Africa. Click on the Oprah Show link to see her on Oprah talking about it.

On a side note I am in a book club here that reads books on parenting, marriage, & family so if you are ever looking for a book on a certain subject let me know. It has helped me read tons of awesome books!

Spring Cleaning

Well, I have been attempting do a little "Spring" cleaning. (Even though it doesn't exactly feel like Spring yet). I started with Jeremy & I's closet. It has been driving me crazy because it is so full of clothes everything is crammed in there. So, we sorted and donated. I love doing this. Jeremy however does not. He is attached to his t-shirts like they are an extention of his body. He has a ton of them (some of them dating back to high school or even middle school!) He thinks I make him throw away his stuff- nope just send it to Goodwill. So we battled it out and got rid of a few things. I finally gave up on a few of my pre-mommy clothes deciding they might be out of fashion by the time I fit back into them (if ever).

And it got me to thinking about the spring cleaning I need to do in my heart. I have seen an old battle resurface in my life, my self-image. I have found myself discontent with my physical appearance. And God used my daughter to give me a precious reminder. The other day I was telling my girls that they were beautiful. And Grace looked at me and said-Mama you beautiful. I said thank you. And what she said next is pretty deep for a two year old. She said, "Mama you beautiful in your heart." (and I know that is what she said because she pointed.) Now some might think that was a let down. Aren't I just beautiful? But God was reminding me where true beauty should lie- in my heart. I tell my daughters all the time that they are princesses because their God is king. Sometimes I need to be reminded that God is my father too, and I'm still his princess (Mommy body included) And most of all I want him to think I'm beautiful in my heart.