Don't Dig Up

"Don't dig up in doubt what you planted in faith." -Elizabeth Elliot

As I reflect over this past year this quote resonates with my soul. This year has not so much been about planting for us as its been about throwing away the shovel and trusting God in the things he has already planted in our life.

For almost two years we planted in faith for our fourth child. Even when the outlook was very dim we believed that God could bring our son home. And he did. In January he was planted in our family. Praise the Lord! And the first year home is amazing. Amazingly hard and amazingly good. We had to choose not to doubt. To not doubt that God could not only bring our boy home but he could help him learn what it means to be a part of a family. And he has. We have got to watch redemption up close. Its messy, and hard, and very very good.

I watch the soil and a little seedling is raising its leaves to the sun.

I am thankful for my family of 6.

Last year the Lord planted the Afterschool Program in our hearts. Really it wasn't a program. It was a whisper to go over to the apartment complex across the street from our church and to quote Jen Hatmaker to, "Turn the love out." What began as a non-attended Sunday School class turned into a bustling after school program. We had NO IDEA what the Lord had planned. Definitely more than we asked for or imagined. I'll be honest many days I have got out my shovel and cried out to the Lord in doubt, "Its too much!" On paper bringing home an adoptive child and starting an outreach ministry in the same time frame doesn't sound like a good idea. There is that shovel again. It might not have been a good idea but it was most definitely God's idea.

I fling dirt and repent and tromp back down soil. 

I am thankful for the beautiful ones God has given our family to love.

We thought this year might hold a glimpse of what God has planned in the future for our family. We had hoped it was time to plant in faith again. Something new. Last spring we packed up half our house. A sink/floor drain plumbing disaster had caused our basement family room/bedroom to be gutted and need of redoing....again. We were sharing a bedroom with our boys, everything was covered in drywall dust and we were done. We got a storage unit and started preparing our house to sell. And yet here we are in our little yellow house. Still praying and seeking. Still confused, but trying again to learn contentment.

I dig a hole waiting for the Lord to plant something NEW in it. He chooses to water what he has already given, somedays with my tears.

I am thankful for my husband's job that provides food for our table, a home that keeps us warm and close together, and a city I've fallen back in love with as my home more times than I can count.

In 2014...
I have dug up in doubt.
I have replanted.
I have begged God to water.
I have felt the sun.

I am thankful.

Christmas Traditions

Last week was a heavy hitter week and so this week I am lightening things up a bit and blogging on one of the subjects I was asked to blog on.

Christmas Traditions

My husband would be quick to claim that all of my Christmas traditions couldn't possibly fit in one post. Christmas is my favorite holiday and I am kind of a tradition junkie. And I agree with him. We do many of the "usuals." Touring lights. A christmas ornament for each of our kiddos. And we are kind of obsessed with our creative Christmas card.

So, I thought I would choose 3 of our more "original" traditions to share.

25 Days of Christmas Books
I didn't make this idea up but I have successfully implemented it for at least 3 years now. Each year I wrap up 25 Christmas books and number them. (Usually I do it in January when I take down my decorations so they are set for the next year.) Then each night in December we open one and read it as a family along with our Advent Book. The kids absolutely love this. Its basically free and I love how we gather each day to snuggle up. Then once the books are open we add them to our Christmas book collection basket to be read over and over. The kids love waiting and watching for their favorites.

You are probably thinking "You have 25 Christmas books?" Umm...yes. Actually we have more. The basket isn't empty when we start. My kids get a Christmas book each year. It used to be each of them got their very own book, now we usually do just one to share. Most of our books were purchased second hand. With this tradition in mind I was able to find lots of options over one summer of yard sales. And I've picked up a few on ebay I wanted but couldn't find locally. And if you are wanting to start this year and be budget friendly I knew someone who actually wrapped library books.

Our Advent Book
The other book we read each night in December is our Advent Book. It was recommended to me by Jill Savage and I absolutely LOVE it. The book is heirloom quality. Each day it has a door to open. Inside is a beautiful illustrations and part of the biblical Christmas story. Each day you start at the beginning and open each door up to the current day. So you read day one twenty five times. I love that the words are straight from Scripture. My kids basically have it memorized because of the repetition. Before any of my kiddos were readers they would help "read" the days they had memorized.

Now you all want the book, right? Here is my disclaimer. Its expensive. Like I'm probably one of the most frugal people you know, right? So you are going to die when you hear how much I paid for this book. I think it was like $45 when I bought it. So not cheap. However, I would pay it again. I simply love it. While I know we could make the same memories with a cheaper book I really love this one and the heart behind the couple who made it. Their ministry is helping families celebrate and make traditions.

You should check out their website for tons of free ideas for celebrating and making memories with your kids.

(The book can be purchased there and I don't get anything if you decide to purchase FYI.)

Christmas Meals on Wheels
I saved the most unique of our traditions for last. You've probably never heard of this one. It has its roots in my very own childhood. My mom is amazing. If you think I'm a decent cook, baker, or food sharer its her you owe the thank you to. When I was younger she loved to bless others with good food. All of our coaches, helpers, and sunday school teachers usually got cinnamon rolls or sometimes a homemade pizza for Christmas. I remember I loved going with her to deliver them. She had a reputation and people were always thankful to get some of her cinnamon rolls. Over the years I've baked cinnamon rolls and cheese cakes for Jeremy's youth workers. But, when it came time to thank our kids' sunday school teachers we decided to do dinner.

I will make a dinner I can make in mass. One year I did homemade pizzas. One year I did soup and rolls. Then we load all that food and our children up in our van. We drive around delivering it to our children's sunday school teachers, encourager, and children's minister. It usually takes a good hour or more to do all the deliveries. We put a Christmas movie on for the kids to watch. When we get to their teachers house they get to get out and help deliver. When its all delivered (or sometimes as we are delivering) we eat fast food. ( a huge treat for our kids.)

We've done this for two years. Minus last year when we were getting ready to go to Africa. They got truffles on Valentines day instead last year, because the point of traditions isn't to make yourself want to scream. ;)

So there you have it friends. We love us some Christmas, mostly because we'd be lost if Jesus hadn't been born!

When God Gives You What You Need

I have opened this new blog post tab numerous times this week.

I just couldn't find anything to say.

I even took my plight to FB and got wonderful suggestions from some friends. But, alas I stink at forced creativity. Which is TOTALLY my mom's fault. When I have an idea its good, and when I can't find one and ask others for help I inevitably end up waiting for my own idea because I'm not good at running with someone else's creativity most of the time. (This make my husband adore me and never makes him supremely frustrated when he happens to be the person I'm asking for help!)

What I really needed was to go for a walk with a friend and talk for like twenty minutes until my idea surfaced. Its usually in there somewhere I just need someone to help bring it to the surface. (I said friend because this role frustrates my husband because apparently men don't talk to process. Go figure. Bless my husband for putting up with me!)

And so I "took a walk" over the phone with a friend this week and did some processing. And I knew from the start the reason I didn't have a post idea. Because the thing God wanted me to post about this week I had anchored down and tucked away. But, alas the Lord has made it clear that I should share what he taught me this week.

Right now my spirit is saying, "Boo to transparency!" But I type anyway.

Last week Jeremy and I spent in fasting and prayer. We have been seeking the Lord's direction for our lives. We had been planning this time for over a month and asked a few people to join with us. It sounds very spiritual. However, the week was much less romantic then it sounds. Jeremy was slammed at work. I was up to my eye balls in trying to finish up Orphan Sunday planning. We barely saw each other. We muddled through and prayed individually, but I'm not even sure we got to pray together.  And my fast was a total bust. I broke it early because I almost devoured our two smallish children with angry words. I've never done that-the breaking the fast early part- not the angry words part...apparently Satan really doesn't want us listening.

Random Side Note: The Lord was gracious to bring to mind a similar story from Greg Pruett's book Extreme Prayer  from when they tried to seek the Lord in prayer. I began reading the book again. You should read it too. I have a copy you can borrow. One of my best reads this year!

Okay, back from the commercial.

I was feeling very discouraged and frustrated. At the end of the week Jeremy and I both felt no closer to making decisions than when we started. We still have no idea what we are supposed to be when we "grow up."

So I was avoiding. Friend One calls Monday. We talk about everything...and she finally asks about how it went. I have nothing. I'm frustrated and discouraged and kind of embarrassed if I'm really honest. Friend Two texts on Tuesday. I don't text back. What am I supposed to say? It was a disaster? Friend Three messages on Wednesday. I ignore again. I'm feeling desperate at this point. I can't avoid them forever.

Enter my Thursday morning quiet time. God broke the silence. I decided to go back through the words and Scriptures that my friends had shared with me the previous week. I had wrote them all in my journal and read them numerous times. I finally admitted what I had already seen the week before. Over and over I saw a similar theme.

The curse words of my spiritual existence.

Wait

Wait patiently

God will honor your waiting upon Him

Wait

Keep on asking

Keep on seeking

Keep your spiritual fervor serving the Lord

Patient in affliction

Faithful in prayer

Joyful in HOPE

Unfortunately the first time around these words didn't leaving me feeling hopeful. They left me feeling despair.

I DON'T WANT TO WAIT ANYMORE!

(Yes, I sound like a toddler throwing a tantrum but its the truth.)

But Thursday morning God opened my eyes and showed me he didn't give me what I wanted. He gave me what I needed. And every good parent knows that is the best plan. And so I once again sit in hope. Even joyfully. Thankful the Lord didn't forget me. He gave me something in the midst of the crazy.

He gave me answers I needed, even if they weren't the answers I wanted.

So,  I'm here waiting. And praying for the patience part. And writing this down so I can remember to be joyful when the truth of the God's word come alive grows cold.