If at first you don't succeed...

I love God's word.

It has been a game changer for me in my walk with Christ.

My freshman year of college I got serious about figuring out this relationship thing and for me that meant finally consistently getting into God's word. Its not that it was my first go round with Bible reading. I had tried and tried again throughout high school but in college something finally clicked. I began journaling and I started making my time with the Lord part of my daily schedule.

Fast forward almost 15 years later. I've had some dry seasons. But I've always came back to that holy habit. My kids know if they get up early they will find me reading my Bible. And I love that. But, its not enough.

I believe that...

God's word is truth. I believe that the answers I need are in there. I believe that spending time in God's word is a huge part of God transforming me into the woman he wants me to become. His word has been my comfort. It has been my joy. I have it posted all over my house. Recently when I was facing discontent I looked up verses on contentment and put them everywhere. I begged God to make those words true in my living breathing everyday life.

Our heart beat for the nations is closely tied to Pioneer Bible Translators. For years we've supported missionaries who champion the cause of God's word in every language.  Because I truly believe in the power of Scripture.

But my actions inside my little yellow house aren't lining up.

Despite this priority in so many areas of my life I feel I have failed when it comes to reading the Bible to my children. Its not that we don't talk about the Bible or biblical principles. We do. But it doesn't feel like enough. I don't want my kids to be in college before they start practicing being in the word daily.


Each school year we've tried to find a model that works for our family.

We've tried after school.

We've had chaos and not listening and what felt like a total waste of time.

We've tried breakfast.

We've given up.

We've tried bed time (unfortunately my least favorite)

We've quit trying.

We've felt guilty.

We've tried again. And again. And again.

Honestly this single fact is the root of some of my deepest wrestling over wether we should be home schooling our children. But, the Lord has made it clear to me that he has called our family to be missionaries in the public school system. He has shown me that I need to embrace my calling and make time in the word with my children a priority versus thinking home schooling will solve my lack of discipline.

And so I recently shared this struggle with a friend. I got honest about how I felt like our circumstances just didn't seem to have a perfect fit. And I decided that we were going to try again and  settle for good enough. I was going to let go of having a fancy curriculum. I was going to let go of the fact that my husband isn't home in the morning, but for now that is really the only time that works. I was going to stop letting my unrealistic expectations keep us from starting again even though we've failed so many times before.

This time I decided I needed all the help I could get. So I pulled out this shiny not so new ebay purchase kids Bible and explained to my kids why I thought this was so important. I told them that God used celebration throughout the Old Testament to help his people remember him. We set a goal. If we can get through this Bible by the end of the school year we are going to go stay in a hotel with a pool or go cabin camping (their choice). I knew if they were excited about it they would be my very best living reminders.

Part of me feels guilty. Like I shouldn't have to "bribe" us to get us to read the Bible. But a bigger part of me feels like this is too important not to help us form our holy habit.

And so here I am sharing my failure with all of you. Maybe your kids will snuggle right in for reading story books, but all hell breaks loose when you try to read the Bible at your house too.

Maybe you do mornings or bedtime alone and you know what its like to think you just can't do it by yourself.

Or maybe you've tried and failed too.

If so I'm keeping you company. But, I'm not sticking around. I'm trying again. And I'm giving this little Humiston family goal to God. Asking him to bless my meager efforts. Praying he will grow a love for his word in my kids.

Feel free to ask me how that is going. Really.

You Know You Are Good Friends When

Well, I'm a little late with my post this week. But, I'm choosing Wednesday is GOOD ENOUGH, versus giving up on this little weekly blog post goal. On Sunday I was traveling from Dallas, Texas back to my home in good ol' Missouri with this gal. My husband flew me down there to visit one of my besties Lindsay as my birthday gift. He is awesome like that.

We had an amazing time just doing life together for a few days. My group of college girlfriends are a sweet gift from the Lord that I am constantly grateful for. Our time together inspired this little list.

You Know You Are Good Friends When...

1- You want your birthday present to be time together. Not super special time, just regular old pick your kids up from school and do the dishes everyday kind of time.

2-You NEVER stay up late anymore because you are officially old, but you string several late nights together.

3-You try really hard to avoid helping clean up their child's car sick vomit, but do it anyway because you love them too. Then you feel free to be honest and share your avoidance antics so you can both get a good hard laugh out of it.

4-You spend countless hours talking about saving money, making homemade everything, and end up visiting an Amish store because you just can't send her back to Texas without sharing your best deals.

5-You make dinner out a 3-4 hour long affair. We can never seem to run out of things to talk about.

6-You can share your ugly stuff and not be regretting sharing it later.

7-Your heart just cares about the same stuff and it makes you smile and stay up late and ignore your children as much as its possible. (Thank you amazing husbands!)

8-You get great joy in seeing your children play together, celebrate fall birthdays together, and in pictures together.

9-You come north to freeze on your children's fall break instead of staying in the blissfully still warm south.

10-You can't wait to share a neighborhood in heaven some day. And you have even more sweet friends that you can't wait to share it with too.

I've been through some rough friendship stuff in my life. I've done tears and change and I'm still growing. And through the hard I've never stopped being grateful that I found girlfriends like I did in college and that we are still journeying together today, even at a distance that sometimes requires an airplane.

Greener Grass or A Well Watered Garden

I have been staring at my computer for over twenty minutes, begging it to give me something. I toss around ideas for a few surface level posts. But, today it seems I have nothing to say.

I'm confused.

Jeremy and I are in a season of intense searching for what God has for us. And its not that God isn't working, I'm just not ready to share all the details.

Last night I sat in my van and I wept before the Lord.

(Because all mamas know the shower and your minivan parked in your own driveway are two of the places the Lord loves to work best, right?)

We were having a very honest chat about where he's brought us and where we are headed. I seem to know very little about the second.

But, the Lord didn't leave me alone. He gave me something.

Even though most of what I said to him involved ugly tears and asking the Spirit to intercede and communicate what I couldn't God gave me a picture. I am a super visual person. And what I saw was God planting my tears. And out of those tears over time beautiful flowers grew. Eventually, I know these tears will turn into a harvest of joy.

Now don't hear me wrong. I have no illusions that means those flowers will be exactly what I wanted to grow. It won't be everything working out exactly as I had hoped, planned, or even schemed. But, eventually there will be flowers.

God also brought this quote to my mind, "The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence, the grass is greener where you water it." And so I'm begging God to water me! I took that quote and I began searching my Bible for a verse to communicate this picture.

And this one just seemed perfect.

"The Lord will guide you ALWAYS, he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scortched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a WELL-WATERED garden." Isaiah 58:11

A master gardner I am not.

Especially when it comes to flowers. I might be motivated enough to keep vegetable alive because I like to eat. But, flowers not so much. I kept my one hanging basket of flowers alive this summer and was pretty proud of myself. If I had to make a future house wish list it would include no flower beds. Their up keep just stresses me out.

The only way I am going to have beautiful flower beds is if I were to turn that job over to someone else. Someone I would probably have to pay. So you can just enjoy the bright yellow paint, because that ain't happening.

And the only way I'm getting flowers growing in this mess of my life is if God is the master gardner planting my tears.

Maybe what I need isn't the allure of greener grass, maybe what I need is to be a well-watered garden.

(On a random side note apparently there is a plant called "baby tears" which I discovered while trying to find an image for this post...maybe I need to plant some for my window as my visual reminder of what God is teaching me. I can actually somewhat keep house plants alive. ;)